Wednesday, July 17, 2019

The Horrible Circle of Life

Lion King comes out this week.  How much do I care? About -5 percent.  Will i see it? Probably. Will any of us love it? Unlikely.  Either I'm getting older and more crotchety or the cinema is really suffering these days.  All these live action remakes, the superhero movies. ZZZZZZZZZ.  That is the biggest, loudest snore I can muster.  I snore so hard at all of it.  SNORE! i say.  What these live action remakes do, though, is remind me of the animated originals, how they would have been best left, in my opinion.

Animated Lion King was fantastic, at the heart of the golden era of Disney, along with Beauty and the Beast, Aladdin, Little Mermaid. I was at a perfect age to enjoy all of these, from age nine for Little Mermaid to fourteen for Lion King. It just so happened that that time was another golden era of my life-- when we got a new computer and Windows '95, the greatest, most eye-opening thing of my youth.  Living in my dad's office from morn until night, I would insert that Lion King soundtrack CD into the CD-ROM player (because it could play audio CD's too[!!] We were so high tech), wait for the Windows Media Player or CD Player window to pop up, and my day was set. I'd journal, write essays, play on Paintbrush, perhaps dabble with some Minesweeper, all to the soundtrack of LK on a constant loop.

Image result for windows '95 multimedia player

I recently filled out a "what's the best Disney song ever?" bracket worksheet and, though I knew it from the beginning, eventually came to Can You Feel the Love Tonight as the obvious winner. Click here to print and fill it out yourself. It's totally fun. Sean and I did it on a plane from an Entertainment Weekly and he came to When You Wish Upon a Star which i have doubts about. Classic? Iconic? To be sure. The BEST? Hmm. But back to Lion King. Circle of Life is also a great song.  When that one began, you knew you were in for some quality film making.

Today, though, I was reminded that the great circle of life is not always so great. In fact, it can be downright horrible and because Julian and I both had to experience it today, it is incumbent that we share it with you.

The day started out calm and quiet.  Julian was busy with some morning lego'ing and I had decided to make some blueberry lemon poppy seed muffins that turned out to be wretched, sadly.  But midway through, I could hear the big cat outside crying.  It was a strange cry, not his usual "let me in, I've been out for ten seconds" cry.  It was one of alarm, perhaps? Confusion? Distress in some way?  And usually when I let him in, his nose is at the door crack and he bolts in.  This time, when I opened the door, I saw him pulled back in a scared stance, like he was frightened and didn't know what to do, much like this:

Image result for scared stance cat

He looked at me and then fearfully looked at the door frame and my eyes fell on an enormous monarch-looking butterfly that had been CAUGHT AND PARTIALLY SMASHED IN THE DOOR.  Its wings were torn and ragged and it was struggling, I think because it was sort of stuck to the frame.  AUUGGH HOW DID THIS HAPPEN? Horrified, I bellowed to Julian who joined me at the scene.  "What do I do??"  I said.  "I can't save it!"  We wept and wailed and gnashed our teeth, utterly sickened by the scene but also laughing at the horrible twist of events.  Do I put it out of its misery? What?  What to do? What could anyone do.

We didn't know, but eventually I took a shoe and sort of scraped it off the door jamb so it wouldn't be shut on again.  It fell to the doormat so I scooped it off onto the ground by the roses where both cats became very, very interested, and, cringing profoundly, I just sort of slowly closed the door and turned away. Sickened, both of us wailed some more at what just happened.  I said, "goodbye, I'm going to go up to my room and cry on my bed now." Julian, always believing the best in cats, said, "hopefully they'll put it out of its misery quickly."

And we resumed our muffins and legos, significantly more morose than before, with the question hanging heavy on our hearts:  Why, life? Why. 

Monday, July 01, 2019


"Julian, what's your favorite season?"

"Hmm... I'd say spring, because then it leads to summer!"

"Oh ok-- so is it summer then?"

"I love the season of spring changing into summer, when it's still beautiful and green and nothing's scorched and dead yet."

"Ah, that would be 'sprummer.' Yes, I love it too."  

Friday, June 28, 2019

Misunderstandings Cont.

I believe I've discussed this before but I often take great delight in the misunderstandings I sort of create when talking to people. Not on purpose, of course. But it happens.  And not only is it funny, it's a good lesson for me to not be too harsh on those who might say things that make me be like, ???  Because sometimes things just come out in a certain way and the person who said it could have a super weird thought process and there may or may not be a circuitry/neurological issue* when processing information and verbally communicating it.  Be kind to us.  I have two examples of late.


The first is when I took Julian to the eye doctor. This was an early appointment during school and I'm already not a morning person but these days it just takes so very long for my brain to wake up.  I'd like to blame it on that but really i was quite lucid at the moment i said it and it just happened to be the way it came out of my mouth.  I meant one thing but said it in a way that would 100% be taken to mean something else. I heard it, I knew it, and I fixed it. 

So Julian underwent all the vision tests and eyeball examinations which he finds tolerably unpleasant.  This was just a check-up and at the end the doc said good things like his vision/prescription hasn't changed much, it's normal if _____ happens, etc.   Julian let out a HUGE sigh of relief and I said,

"So relieved! What did you think was going to happen?  I mean, the eye doctor is the least of all the doctors..." 

EYE DOC:  Oh yeah?

JEN: Errr.. least STRESSFUL, that is. I mean compared to others, the eye doctor is a pleasure.  For me, anyway.

JULIAN: Yeah, at least it's not the dentist.

JEN: That's what I'm saying!

Ha ha ha. Just makes me laugh to imagine me busting out with this totally out-of-the-blue insult. "Why were you nervous? He's not even a real doctor."  (which doesn't make much sense anyway) I told this to Sean later and we had a good laugh and he commented how eye doctors probably get a bit of that already, probably like dentists (like they're not real doctors).  Sean was then reminded of a Seinfeld episode where Jerry's dating a dermatologist and is increasingly bothered by the idea of viewing her profession as vitally important, as if she's saving lives.  This goes on until she's approached by a former patient who thanks her for saving his life and Jerry, bewildered and skeptical says, "She saved your life?" And the man says, "I had skin cancer."  Jerry, bested and fists in the air, exclaims, "skin cancerrrr!"   Good times.  In fact, here you go:

The other incident took place before a yoga class was to begin.  This is a class I've attended only once or twice, several months ago, so I thought I recognized the instructor but wasn't totally sure.  When I walked in, there were two women in there including who I thought was the instructor.  She had her mat in the middle of the floor and she was standing, talking to the other woman.  I wasn't sure where to place my mat because some instructors teach from the short side of the rectangular room and some teach from the long side. This is confusing. Allow me to illustrate:

No, I didn't draw this in Word and then TAKE A PICTURE OF THE SCREEN BECAUSE I DON'T KNOW HOW TO MAKE IT INTO A JPEG. Only a 100-year old person who's never used a computer before would do that. Also, why wouldn't that 100-year-old just draw it on a piece of paper?? it would have been easier. :( Also that circle I'm holding is my yoga mat, obviously. 

Usually you sit on your yoga mat so the short end points to the front of the room, so I wasn't sure where to put my mat.  Now, keep in mind that I have explained and laboriously illustrated all this not to defend myself. There is no good reason for what I was thinking.  But it's just what i was thinking.  The following dialogue took place between me and the lady who was standing, the "instructor":

Interrupting their conversation, JEN:  Let's see, is that you?

LADY: Uh huh, yep.

JEN: Hmm.. not sure where to situate myself...

LADY: Wherever you want to be...?

And then realization occurred. Perhaps I got a better look at the woman and saw it wasn't the same person that I remember.

JEN: Oh! I thought you were the teacher! ha ha. you're like, "yes, please don't take my mat."

LADY: ha ha. "feel free to cozy in close..."

Everyone laughed and was good natured about it and it wasn't a big deal but there is NO REASON why I should have thought what I did and then started asking all the questions. Like, why didn't i see the direction her mat was pointed and assume she was a student? Usually the instructor is already there, but not always.  Honestly I think I have a few synapses missing. I don't know. The older I get the more I just say stuff, and that's really saying something when you consider it's me.

Anyway, I'm still upset that I made that stupid drawing but these two interactions entertained me a great deal and even if it means I'm senile, I think I've decided to just enjoy it.