Monday, November 11, 2019

Internet Insult

I make up words all the time. It's what I love about the English language. It's fluid. It's constantly evolving. It can be what you want it to be! But sometimes I feel a little embarrassed when the new word I've "invented" is really just me not being able to realize there actually exists a word to suit my need, I just couldn't think of it.  Because it might be that I sit and type and re-type and think over and examine this word for a goodly long time and still can't think of a better replacement.

For example: paralyzation.  That's not a good made-up word. That's a word used by dummies who don't know a lot of words.

This seems to be happening more and more but I choose to ignore it and claim my brain is still as capable and sharp as ever.  But here's another example.  I am always looking up the definition of words just to make sure it means what I think. I also do this to make sure I have the correct spelling. A while ago, I was typing and the word I kept using was "unawaringly."  This is a dummy word. And I, the dummy, stared at it, thought about it, and while acknowledging its unremarkability, just couldn't think of any good reason why this shouldn't be the word.  I was looking for a word that meant the opposite of "aware."  So I put "un" in front of it. Problem solved, right. Now, no matter that "awaringly" is also not a word and looks just as stupid if not more. I didn't think of that, unfortunately.  But it is so close to looking real, I thought it for sure should be.  Until I looked it up and was harshly mocked by the internet:

First of all, "Did you mean 'unwittingly'"?  YES, INTERNET, was my immediate thought. That's definitely a better alternative.  :(

And then the ensuing insult with a suggestion. Pretending to be helpful but totally rubbing it in:

"'unawaringly' isn't a word but 'unconsciously' means to do something without being aware of it."  Like, let me give you a simple word alternative that everyone knows and then define it for you because you're simple too. ZING.

HMPH. I turned on my heels and left the page but not before I took "unwittingly," pretending that's what I meant all along.

Thursday, October 31, 2019

Halloween 2019

IT'S A HALLOWEEN PHOTO BLITZ! It's going to be a lot so it might be less fun for you, more fun for me 40 years from now.  But let's get started:

First, falltime is a good time.  Let it be known, let it be written:

I am wearing that sweater this very moment. 
We took a weekender this October down to Moab to see some arches which is always a good idea, in case you're wondering:

Three Gossips + sheep.  Julian couldn't see them for the LONGEST time. I'm still not 100%. 
We may need to get his prescription checked. 

Our first hike was to Delicate Arch, a first for all of us.  It was great. Short but steep, with the coolest cut rock path. I love things like this: 
just delights my eyes.

And the arch:


Seeing stuff like this person is always a little bit of a shock to me. It was just so big.  And I don't expect it to be because I just never see big natural statues like this in my life.  It always takes me a few minutes to really take it in. 

And some bonus arches, also impressive, with fun hikes:

Also, we busted our behinds to the mountains and caught the fall in early October before it was gone, baby, gone.  We found an amazing hike that was straight up magical.

This year I demanded large pumpkins to carve. I just wanted them BIG.  And Sean and Julian delivered. They scraped them out one night and then we got to carve them on a separate night which is kind of the way to do it.  No one wants to get creative after battling it out scooping out the guts which is just the worst.  Special awards to Sean, as always, for all the reasons.

scoop out night

*sounds of struggle, cussing, shouting.*

SEAN: Be gentle.  You've got to love the pumpkin. Do you love the pumpkin?

JULIAN: *snarl* I HATE the pumpkin! 

I luxuriously watched this happen from my spot on the couch hearing all the dialogue go down, laughing, and basking in not being in the thick of it. But when it was done, of course it was, "That was fun!"

Jen, Sean, Julian

Shadow art. This pic is a little bit crazy.

Julian is adorable still and I hold on to it with a death grip every single day.  What helps is when he wears things I force upon him, like my favorite sweater:

plus, this pose.

And then one with Mr. Bones, of course.  I love this:

extra large size, please.

Julian has this favorite activity he's loved since he was 0.  It's special because he has few on his list of "favorite activities" so it's a true joy to see him take so much pleasure from these things.  This one, he has dubbed "funmaking" is an activity i enjoyed as a kid, which was sprinkling or pouring my mom's spices or other condiments into a bowl of water and pretend we're making some kind of soup.  But we've stepped it up a notch and let Julian use what-ev-er. All the expired stuff.  It's a lot of junk in that pot and perfect for a Halloween brew. It was even green (thanks to dumping in a whole can of green superfood powder that none of us liked)

old ritz, alfredo seasoning, lentils, chia seeds--ew that'll blob it right up-- bean dip! Gross!
This is probably the best possible way to get rid of all this junk. 

Look at the Halloween prank this avocado played on me. By being the TINIEST avocado the world has seen:

At least the pit was small too. Nothing's worse than an avocado with a hugely disproportionately large pit.  Kind of like a lemon with a too-thick peel.  Like THIS abomination: 

What the fudge is this?? 

Speaking of food, I was making some of my new fave pancakes-- don't worry, recipe coming to the blog soon--  Sean gasped and asked if I had meant to make a face:

And I was like, "no." And then he gasped again later, even harder, and I explained this time it was a yes:

Like every other time of year, Poe has been on my mind this Halloween season.  I always like to read The Raven just to remind myself what goals I could have.  And then my favorite 3-year-old across the street has a Raven book for children and she came over once and I asked her if she'd like anything more to eat and she said in her funny raspy adorable voice, "no... nevermore!" and I died (not yet knowing about the book).

So it's been a theme.  First with the apple ugly:

Apple Poe.
Similar to a text I sent someone, autocorrected to Edgar Allan Pie. Think I just came up with a new costume. 
And what I made on the back of his head:
i can't tell what this is. i actually don't really remember doing it. *shrug* 

Julian's classic "pile all candy on apple" monster. It is, indeed, hideous.

I think I need to see a close-up of that apple, Sean. 

I showed this to him and he couldn't remember making it, really.  I guess stuff like that is not very memorable but still, what's happening to us?  It's like we were drunk but instead of drunk we're just old.  Yay.

And here are some cats because, again, Halloween:

I kind of wish I didn't have this neighbor's house obstructing my view. However, they have this little bobby-head, always-moving/dancing flower in the window and I love it so that makes it ok.

I feel like I posted this at some point since it's been hanging on my fridge for a year and I love it but, you know, better to be safe than sorry:

I have realized that I'm always a little bit Halloween.  It's kind of who I am inside.

The next thing has been a favorite activity this scary season. Sean bought a mask out of the blue, possibly for a costume? But it didn't work. So we've been hiding it around the house for each other to find.  He got me good yesterday with in the fridge:

But Julian got him back:

black and white makes it a trillion times scarier.

And now the costumes: 
kind of want this as my profile picture.

Ha ha ha.  I loved this.  Poe every year, I say.  

We struggled to come up with something for Julian. He just couldn't think of anything and the clock was ticking.  I kind of demanded that his be homemade this year since we're running out of years, which he was ok with. But what? What.  We started throwing out random ideas and landed on kind of a bizarre one. It turned out AWESOME of course (Sean's #1!) but is super random and funny which really just makes it better:

neon light!

the cuteness. 
Ha ha! He practiced bumping into things and spinning in place. When he came home today from school he said "doo doo doo doo {ominous song}.. recharge roomba" as the voice of the roomba lady who instructs us from time to time. Excellent. Maybe one day he can be an ipod and be.... 

Image result for dj roomba

All three of us.  Sean was uncharacteristically and entertainingly excited about this fuzzy onesie this year and got me one too which I shall most likely don tonight as it is frigging cold today, as usual, Utah.  I remember wanting just one Halloween as a kid where I didn't have to wear my coat over my costume. Just one! 

i love us.

Also I dyed my hair purple. Someone was like, "oh, for Halloween?"  "Yessss...Halloween." 



Monday, October 28, 2019

All the Annoying Things Part II

Here we are to resume our list of annoying things that some rando website has decided is thus.  Click here for the article and click here for my more important blog post with responses.

26.  Sniffing loudly instead of blowing your nose.  Sometimes blowing your nose is annoying, no? Sometimes it's like, just do a quiet wipe with a tissue and save the big business for later.  I will sniff if I have no tissue, but that is unlikely. Would you rather I just let it drip freely? "Sorry, it's rude to sniff."  I have no idea if I do it excessively. I guess I'll pay more attention to that. Maybe.

27. Taking up both armrests.  No, not if I don't know the people next to me. But if I do, I will totally sneak my elbow until the person comes to claim what is, i admit, rightfully theirs.  If I'm on an airplane, however, I do all I can do to not touch the other person/any object at all, at any time. 

28. Eating loudly.  The article mentions soup-slurping and big bites of salad.  I'm not sure about this one.  I really don't know. I'll have to ask someone to monitor this. I bet I take big bites of salad. Sometimes it's like, what you want me to cut up my salad? It's not my fault they didn't shred the lettuce better. Except Sean totally would and does cut up his salad. I'm laughing at this article blip though:  "And if you're a person who smacks their lips or kind of moans when something's really delicious, someone out there is definitely annoyed..."  ha ha ha.  I'd like to think that I obviously don't do these things but if I'm eating something really good, I can't promise I won't make my feelings known.  Also, what does smacking one's lips even mean? How do you do that? Is it like loosely making a kissy sound?  I just practiced this aloud (in various ways) and the cat gave me the worst death stare.  So I guess it is annoying. 

29. Biking without obeying traffic signals.  I think I've done this once or twice but I don't bike often these days. People def do this in NYC and I'm torn about it. Cyclists are crazy though. Definitely the rogues of the road.  I do love seeing the hand signals though.  I was out on bikes with Julian a few weeks ago and tried to teach him all the signals.  I saw a teen boy do it whilst riding a one-wheel and was like, yeah!

30. Blocking the sidewalk to get a photo.  I hate myself a little bit if I do this.  I will loudly apologize and get in and get out.

31. Typing in all caps. WHAT? HOW COULD THIS BE ANNOYING? Exploded the volatile blogger.  This is another archaic practice from the time texting and emailing were first introduced. I would hope people have learnt by now.

32. Texting while walking.  Definitely.  But, as the article mentions, there are no "fellow pedestrians" where I live, sadly.

33.  Somehow making every conversation about you.  This is super annoying and I try not to. If I do I will acknowledge what I'm doing, apologize, and then continue with what I was saying about myself. But at least I acknowledged, right?

34.  Trying to add to a line from the side instead of getting in the back. First: "add to a line"? Just say "get in line," weirdo.   I basically follow all these kinds of rules but once in a while, when I see there's no real order or rhyme or reason, I will smoothly worm my way in and take what's mine. I think in these instances, if it is noticed, people are less annoyed at me and more mad at themselves that they didn't do it too. Is what I tell myself.

35.  Putting your bag on the seat next to you. Only if there's no one nearby. So many of these are meant for crowded scenarios and again, I am conscious.

36.  Standing too close to other people in line.  No!  Especially at the supermarket where you need some space to take care of your transaction. I have had eager beaver shoppers right on my heels and I'm like, oh did you want to see my pin? I'm sorry, here.   That said, my bubble of personal space has definitely widened since moving to the 'burbs. Sometimes I miss the closeness.

37.  Clicking a pen.  Just for fun? No. I'm not terribly fidgety.

38. Leaving read receipts on.  Heavens, no. Would never turn this on in the first place.  Why would I want people to know this bit of information? Keep them in the dark as much as possible.

39.  Not letting people off an elevator before you get on.
No. Again, city living teaches you manners.

40. Starting a sentence with "no offense."  Ha ha! I hope I do.

41. Running late.  Well, better than walking late, no?  I am pretty punctual, though I think I've relaxed about that over time. I think I've followed others' examples and been like, oh maybe it's not such a big deal to be late. I try to text if I will be, if it matters.  However, there are times when I definitely do not want to be on time and I will take my time walking late.

42. Posting vague status updates on social media.  Never!  Also: posting status updates: never!

43. Snapping your gum.  Gross, no.  I don't chew gum and, no offense, but watching Julian do it reminds me why. I used to wonder why it was offensive when watching or reading about Violet Beauregard.  And I get it now. I get it, Roald.

44. Using overly-familiar nicknames.  Define "overly-familiar."  The article references "sweetie" and "hon" and aghast, I would never in a million years.  I might use "pal" or "friend."  But mostly not.  Now, do I want to automatically shorten people's names who insist on the long version when there are clearly nickname options available? Yes, I do.  But I won't if you ask me not to. Probably.

45. Bringing pungent food to work.  Yeah, this is gross.

46. Not wiping down the machines at the gym.  EW. This is a reason why I don't go to gyms. Nasty. Also, exercise: gross.

47. Talking incessantly about your diet. Oh, this is something I truly find annoying. I'm not opposed to talking about it in general but I am very bored by others' obsession with diet/weight/etc. Only bring this up when it's in some way solicited.  When you KNOW the other person is into it.  Know for SURE. 

48. Gushing about new relationships.  Ah, if I know you well and care about you, chances are that I'm very excited about this as well.  Let's hear it.

49. Keeping your phone's sound on.  For the most part, my ringer is always turned on. And I feel like I'm doing a service to those around me because my ringtone is Take On Me and it is awesome every time.  Texts, however, are silent.

50. Not being ready to order when you get to the counter.  I recognize it's annoying to wait for someone to make up their mind. I try to do it quickly. But also? Don't have 5,000 options for me to choose from. No one asked for that.  This is a peeve of mine.  I will do my best to hurry but I also won't be pressured so if I need a few more seconds, I'm going to take them.

And these are all of the annoying things!  Truthfully, if I were to guess what my most annoying habits are with certain kinds of people, they would be:

1. i can appear cynical
2. irreverence
3. my straightforwardness/outspokenness/brazenness.  
4. I have strong opinions. For some, this is threatening. 

I think I can actually tell when someone doesn't like me. It's so rare that I'm like, whoa, something is different.  JK but really.  And when that's true I either don't care or I think, I'll win them over eventually. They'll see...

How'd you do with this list? Alanna, I want to hear it. 

Tuesday, October 22, 2019

All the Annoying Things Part I

Once upon a time I came across this important article presumptuously listing fifty things I do every day that annoy other people.  For some reason, I keep coming back to this list. So as one final return, I thought I'd explicate it on my blog, to defend or concur, once and for all, to nobody who wanted to know to begin with.  But, you may want to ask yourself which of these things rings true for you, and whether or not it makes any difference to you.  Also, fifty is a lot. Maybe I'll make this a two part-er.

1. Humblebragging.   I'm trying to think about this. If I were to do this, I would do it to mock. Mocking is always funny and welcome, as a general rule, for me and my house.  If something can be made fun of in a lighthearted, well-meaning mocking way, then it should be done. I never want to let a moment pass without exploring its full funny potential.    But, have I done this seriously? Unintentionally?  Probably. I try to be as self-aware as I can.  I can't think of any examples but I'm sure I've said something that I may have tried to phrase a certain way but then failed and it just came out as a humblebrag.  And it's uncomfortable.  Hopefully I have the good sense to make fun of myself for doing it.  Because humblebragging is funny, and I am super entertained when other people do it.

2. Not standing to one side on an escalator.  A loud, resounding NO! I know this rule. I lived in a city. It's been ingrained in my skull. You stand to the right, walk on the left. Thanks, city, for teaching me to be conscious of myself and others around me in crowded areas.

3. Starting an order with "Can I get a...?"   What? The article says this is rude and "may I please have..." is more polite.  Is it just me or does this sound really dumb. Is the server my mom?  I don't even know what i say exactly at a restaurant. I probably say, "I would like _____ and ____" and make a direct statement instead of a request with prayer hands. I mean, I'm going to pay for it. I'm going to ask people who've worked in food service and ask if they really care about this. I'm sure this is the least of all the annoying things in the food service field.

4. Not holding the door for the person behind you. I do this, of course I do. But sometimes it's like, how close is the person behind me before I'm holding it an awkward length of time? I know I feel weird if someone is holding the door for too long and i feel like I have to hustle. "Just let it go!" i want to holler.  I think it depends on the relationship or age.  Stranger: 3-5 seconds. Young stranger: 5-8 seconds.  Friend: 5-7 seconds.  Elderly stranger: 5-10 seconds.  Elderly friend: forever.  Enemy: If you can catch it before it shuts after I've gone through, good job. I won't purposely hold it shut after I go through. You're welcome.

5. Refusing to walk single-file on a crowded sidewalk.  No. See Number 2.

6. Singing along to a song like you're trying to win a Grammy.  ha ha! I kind of wish I did this more. I certainly do at home or with loved ones who support my Grammy goals.  No but seriously, I don't really do this. Not to a point of annoyance, I am certain. But I do know someone who does and it is kind of weird, but, like humblebragging, also super entertaining.  Like, really? still going? ok. Basically, anyone who unknowingly breaks the unspoken rules of society has my full attention.

7. Not returning your shopping cart.  I have stressed out about this in my time.  I like to return the cart when I'm parked close by. And in general.  But I also am super lazy, so I'll go find a cart-return thing.  Do I leave it in a random spot in the parking lot, free to roll whichever way, potentially damaging cars or prohibiting someone from parking in a spot? NEVER.  That is super rude.

8. Talking ad nauseam about how busy you are. Ha! I have known people who've done this and, truthfully, I bet I do it too.  But I like to think I have an internal annoying-o-meter that just seems to go off when I cross over into annoying territory.  Also I'm rarely all that busy, at least doing anything worth mentioning, so if it happens I'm usually like, "Listen to these THREE THINGS i did today! I'm DYING."  And then we can make fun of it.  But I do know people who do this a lot, unknowingly, and it's true, it can be annoying. Or maybe just boring. But something I like to do in a conversation with people who may do things like this is read between the lines. What are you REALLY trying to tell me? Do you need some validation? What's at the root of all of this? Let's get at that.  Another alternative is I'll likely tune in and out and work on my "act like you were listening the whole time" skills, something that could always use a refresher.

9. Looking at your phone when you're talking to someone in person.  I definitely do this. But I know it's annoying. I'm working on it.

10. Tapping your feet.  Like, I'm impatient? Or just wiggly. I have a brother who used to shake his knee so violently, it would register [*quickly googles "high on richter scale*] a 5.7 on the Richter Scale.  And it was annoying. I'll definitely bounce my crossed legs-foot to the beat or tempo of music playing but hopefully keeping it in the air prevents from shaking those around me.  UPDATE: I'm writing this at a later time. I was sitting here at my desk having worked a long while and guess what i started doing? Vigorously shaking my legs.  Guess it's time to get up. 

11. Parking too close to the line in the parking lot. No! I hate this! This causes me great stress and I will fix my parking until I feel comfortable and symmetrically within the lines.  If, for some reason, I don't, I say a prayer of apology and hope it finds the owners of the cars next to me. Also if I'm forced to park horribly due to someone else's too-close parking, I say another prayer that they will forgive me and consider this, which makes me think I ought to do the same, as they may have had no choice either.

12. Finishing a food item and putting the container back in the fridge. Hahahaha lolol.  I used do this all the time as a lazy punk kid, just to be a punk. And it's funny and I'd do it today. I think I will. Sean will looooove it.

13. Replying all.  Ok. Let's talk about this. Akin to group texts, I have a certain tolerance threshold for this and it's not the highest.  Fortunately, just as the use of email has entered antiquity, I think people have finally figured out how to use the reply/reply-all option.  I'm sad about email, by the way. I guess people still use it professionally though. Asking oneself: Is it helpful/relevant/important/funny so as to include all the other people here? is a good thing to do.  But group texts on the other hand... I think "family group texts" could be its own blog post.

14. Putting something back on the wrong shelf at the grocery store. Guilty! But I feel it.  I feel the guilt. If I'm close by, I'll do my best to return it to its home, or at least make Julian do it.

15. Talking at the movies.  A little, but not really.  I'm here for the movie. Unless it suuucks. Then I will make fun and joke with friends a la Mystery Science Theater 3000. Right now a specific movie comes to mind: Safe Haven, with Julianne Hough, based on a Nicholas Sparks novel. I went to this with friends and it got so ridiculous- with my pregnant friend crying even though it was pretty cheesy, us making fun of her, and then I started predicting outrageous theories that turned out to be TRUE. Also, i have another friend with whom I used to go see junk movies on a Saturday morning and it was truly the best. I really miss this. 

16. Wearing too much fragrance.  No. I do not wear it. Sometimes I wish I did but then i remember that is actually pretty annoying to smell it on someone else. T'is rare that I smell someone's perfume and go, "Mmmm that is delicious, come nearer to me."  Mostly it's overwhelming.  Fragrance-free unisex deodorant is about all I'm good for. 

17. Going to an express checkout with more than 10 items.  Never!

18. Taking a phone call at the gym.  Ha ha ha ha "taking a phone call!"  ha ha ha!  "at the gym!" Hahahaha...

19.  Not replacing the toilet paper roll.  Ohhh I try not to do this. But sometimes I do. But i'm only shooting myself in the foot bc I use the bathroom 50 times more frequently than anyone else. 

20. Humming along with a song in public.  Geez, what is this, George Orwell's 1984?  I'm sooo sorry for trying to share a little song and joy with the rest of the world.  I'm not sure how often I do this. But I bet I do it a little at least.  Somewhat related, our plumbing is being weird lately so whenever the water's turned on (faucet, dishwasher, laundry) the pipes hum this almost perfect B-flat note. Then I will sing the next note in the chord, then someone sings the next and then the next and it makes me laugh every time. Feeling like a super nerdy musical family.  We also sing a response to our oven which sings a little ditty when it's done pre-heating. It will do its little song and I will hear Julian respond from wherever he is and I love it. I love it a lot. 

21. RSVPing at the last minute. Oooo this is my faaavorite.  If I'm on the fence about it, I might wait until 6:59pm to say yea or nay.  Ok, maybe not that bad.  But I wait as long as I can. Sometimes if they don't request an RSVP, and it's perhaps a large impersonal invite, I won't give one at all!  I like keeping my options open. I'm very selfish with my time and commitments.  I'm sorry if this is annoying. I'll think better of it in the future, but am unsure if I'll completely refrain from this annoying habit. I get that people need numbers for food planning and whatnot and will respect that. If it's a small group, a reply is needed, and I plan to go and would like to go, I will respond pretty promptly and try to make it worth your while. But I will respond immediately if I can't go because isn't that the best? When you can't go to something you didn't want to go to anyway? "Sorry, I can't make it! {party emoji}"  And then include in detail the reasons why. < -- I do not do this (I don't need to explain myself to you) but I see it all. the. time.  My response to this one is making me sound like kind of a jerk.

22. Leaving the toilet seat up.  Uhh no.  Actually, I tend to close the lid after each use. I feel more clean doing this and also I don't want the cats to drink toilet water. The article mentions this as a polite thing to do as well. 

23. Stopping short while walking. I have definitely done this. Especially when I lived in a place where I was getting lost all the time. But most people are understanding, right? I try to pull over when I need to stationarily take care of business. What I fear is someone walking toward me whilst not looking, when there's no way to know where they'll go, and my best option is to just curl up in a ball and wait for them to pass.

24. Fishing food out of your teeth.  GUILTY.  I toootally do this and it is probably sooo gross and annoying. My sisters and I used to joke about how we'd do the laugh + teeth clean combo.  It's because I will stop at NOTHING to get that food out of my tooth.  I have to refrain from resorting to probably really uncomely methods. But it is hard. 

25. Listening to music on your headphones loud enough so other people can hear.
  No. I rarely listen to music on headphones. If I use headphones at all, it's a podcast, and I'm so protective of my tender ears, it's always on the bare minimum of decibels.  But I agree, this is annoying. I'm also concerned for your hearing.

And that's Part I of this discussion.  Stay tuned for Part II. 

Tuesday, October 15, 2019

Gross Foods

We've come across some distasteful food items recently and acquired a list of three which = can be made into a blog post!  But they just made me laugh through the disgust.

1. Sean sent me this picture. I first laughed at the name and foulness:

But what Sean said about it made me laugh more:  "The "Mayocue" is totally gross but what offends me more is 'saucy sauce.'"   {cry laugh emoji}  Really?? "CUT. Print it. Put it on the label."

The next one I spotted at TJ's and had to send a pic to Sean.  "Did you want me to pick you up your favorite?"  All of this could not be more opposite of Sean.

mmm..ketchup flavored. what a good idea.

This last one was amusing. Found on the top of a container of cottage cheese. Don't you love when the advertisers are desperate to make their product appealing? Especially when it's trying to be fancy. Always, though, your reaction is not what they want you to do-- "ooo, i never thought to do that!"  Instead it's, "NO. NEVER."

Raspberry hazelnut snack bites.  Just grab a nilla wafer, some Nutella, a dollop of cottage cheese, topped with a raspberry! Tres elegant.



Sean sent me this the other day:

"I didn't know I was supposed to be checking for that."

Which brings up the question: was it always this way? Or are you now making them with real chocolate? Also it's not like I was under the illusion that Hersheys comes from the finest cacao of Venezuela.  But putting "real" on the package is drawing attention in a way that I don't think shines positively for you.

I told him of a bag of chocolate-covered pretzels I used to like until I couldn't shake bad feelings I got when I kept reading "chocolate-flavored" and not just "chocolate."

Sean then told me that McDonald's used to sell "Chocolate-y chip cookies." and how he was like, wait... that might just be cute, but it also might be some legal thing. 

Chocolate-y chip! makes me lol. Now you know what to say when you're not using real chocolate. "What's in this, chocolate?"  "Mm-hmm, it's chocolate-y! Would you like some chocolate-y cake?"

Is nothing chocolate anymore?

Anyway..that's about it.  CUT! Print it.