Tuesday, May 04, 2010

Thoughts & Comments

A friend sent me these funny comments someone wrote and I decided to put them here and include my own commentary. Fun times. Please share your own comments to my comments to these comments.

Have you ever been walking down the street and realized that you're going in the complete opposite direction of where you are supposed to be going? But instead of just turning a 180 and walking back in the direction from which you came, you have to first do something like check your watch or phone or make a grand arm gesture and mutter to yourself to ensure that no one in the surrounding area thinks you're crazy by randomly switching directions on the sidewalk.
Ha ha, this is awesome. Yes, but these days, i find myself going in the opposite direction i want to be going so very often, i've long given up and just do an obvious about-face.

Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize
you're wrong.
Ha. I can think of suckier things but this one does suck too. That's the moment where I replace that realization with the thought, "distract with a joke!" because even if i'm wrong, at least i'm still funny...

I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.
I have an inability to nap. Seriously, i can't. I used to hate napping because i hated waking up groggy groggerson, but now, even when i really want to, i cannot nap. I think my baby has conditioned me this way. Just when i'm about to drift off, he makes a noise. Seriously, it's happened at least 15 times. So now, even if he doesn't make a noise, just when i'm about to drift off, I jerk awake. It's one theory. Or, another could be that i have a disease where i'm losing my ability to sleep. I just read about it somewhere, and it's real, fatal, and starts with losing the ability to nap. !

There is great need for a sarcasm font.

Just how the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?
easy. It's called, "rapidly roll it up into a ball and shove it in the drawer."

Was learning cursive really necessary?
no, it wasn't. Have i ever successfully written a cursive capital Q in my life? well, yes i have, but unintentionally as a fancy 2. What nonsense. However, i do implement the classic "printive," which is writing print but occasionally hooking the letters together. Just kidding, lame. ignore this one.

Map Quest really needs to start their directions on #5, as I'm pretty
sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.
you never know.

Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the
person died.
This is true. And i've often thought i'd like to write my own obituary. I could make it like a madlib that my loved ones could fill out. "Jen died from ___________. (cause of death) It was really _________ (adjective). She was probably thinking __________." Just kidding, when does it get morbid? Oh well, i've already planned my own funeral.

The letters T and G are very close to each other on a keyboard. This recently became all too apparent to me and consequently I will never be ending a work email with the phrase "Regards" again.
ha ha ha. Maybe this is why people just started saying "best" at the end of their emails.

"Do not machine wash or tumble dry" means I will never wash this ever.
TRUE. until it gets crusty and moldy & I can get Sean to hand-wash it for me.

I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if
I want to save any changes to my ten-page research paper that I swear I did
not make any changes to.
very true. I've totally hit "save" 90 times before i exit, just to be sure.

I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello? Damn
it!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to
voice mail. What did you do after I didn't answer? Drop the phone and run
ha ha. this is funny. But i'm much more patient and wait for a voicemail message. If they don't leave one, it must not have been important.

I hate leaving my house confident and looking really good and then not
seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste!
I don't really know what this is like, for i look good at all times. That's a joke, but do you know what i love about this town? You can look like a total piece and when you go out, you realize that a) nobody cares and b) there will always be someone who looks worse, and their confidence (or self unawareness) will make you realize, a) hey, nobody cares about these things and b) make you think, i wish i was as cool as them. I'm going to go out even grosser next time.
It's awesome and very liberating.

I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to
answer when they call.
Um, true. *shameful face* But mostly, if not all, it's solicitors. I swear! @#$% you, NY Philharmonic! I think have 3 entries for them in my phone.

I think the freezer deserves a light as well.
VERY true. It's almost more essential, as the freezer is located in prime position at which to get smacked in the face with falling frozen food.

I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or
Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lite than with Kay.
That's sort of funny almost. I will say that those commercials are cheesarific.

I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option.
Ha ha. But what if my house is in the ghetto? (it's not) (but some might say it is.. some who are pansies.)

Sometimes, I'll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and
suddenly realize I had no idea what the heck was going on when I first saw
totally true. Or they're creep city.

I would rather try to carry 10 grocery bags in each hand than take 2
trips to bring my groceries from the car into the house.
TRUE. I can carry an infinite number of grocery bags.

While driving yesterday I saw a banana peel in the road and instinctively swerved to avoid it...thanks Mario Kart.
Oh man.. i used to dream in MK. It's been too long. Too... long.

Sometimes I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom
and hunger.
True. Also: There's a fine line between my level of irritability and the need to pee.

How many times do you suppose it is OK to say "What?" before you just
nod and smile because you still didn't hear, understand or you just weren't
paying attention to a word they just said?
Probably twice. I'm preeetty good at this, and even at giving an ambiguous answer that would probably be an appropriate response to what the person said, but am not 100%. Then I have to fess up and we usually have a good laugh. Though I have to say, I'm very good at detecting when someone does this to me, probably because I often try the same tactic myself. And i call them on it, and have a good laugh.

I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team up to
prevent a jerk from cutting in to your lane. Stay strong, brothers and
That's funny, and i'd like to see that. although, it unnerves me sometimes when i drive, that we're all trusting each other not to mess up or look down or be a jerk. Too many factors i can't control and I'm driving, putting my complete faith in strangers I am surrounded by. Unnerved.

Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty,
and you can wear them forever.
TRUE. I wash my jeans once a millenium.

There's no worse feeling than that millisecond you're sure you are going
down after leaning your chair back just a tad too far.
Maybe this is true, but i'd also say that conversely, there's no better feeling than the moment you realize that you aren't, in fact, going down, and you were able to save yourself in the end.

Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not
know what time it is.
TRUE. What is this? Absentmindedness? Not knowing how to tell time? Is it a compulsion?

Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys
in a pocket or purse, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the Tail on the
Donkey - but I'd bet everyone can find and push the snooze button from 3
feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, pitch black, first time, every
I never use the snooze button. If i do need an alarm, which is rare, I shut it off and get up. No joking around for me.

The End!


Joel said...

It's called fatal familial insomnia.

Natalie R. said...

Those are pretty funny comments, both the originals and yours. I agree about napping, I've never been good at it. And I hate the snooze button. I usually have two alarms set, but the second is usually a back-up which, 99% of the time, I turn off before it ever rings.

And I think the mapquest comment is wrong. What about those times when you're getting directions out of someone else's area, and it's full of one way streets?? Then you definitely need those directions. Either way, I'd rather have them just in case...

lindsey v said...

Level of irritability and the need to pee: Haha! I totally know that one. Sometimes even I notice that I'm getting a headache and then I realize that I've been holding my pee for 2 hours. I guess my nerves don't like that.

Alanna said...

I'm getting better and better at napping all the time.

And I feel no guilt at all for programming people's numbers into my cell phone just so I can screen their calls. If you knew them, you'd do the same!

If I could tell the difference between boredom and hunger, I'd weigh twenty pounds less. At least.

The one about not hearing people and saying, "What?" That's my life in a nutshell! I think there's something wrong with my ears where in a big crowd I have a really hard time hearing what people say to me. Usually I'll just fess up to that fact rather than risk looking even weirder by having the completely wrong response to whatever was just said.

And finally: I never know what time it is. I had to change my cell phone clock to a digital one because it was taking me too long to read the face-style clock! (Is that less embarrassing if the numbers were Roman numerals? Nah, I don't think so, either...)

Unknown said...

Hilarious! Just sitting in Germany, reading your blog, that I randomly stumbled upon, after googling 'chocolate balloons'. God, I love laughing out loud at my desk at work. Will be sending this to my more quirky friends via Facebook.

)en said...