Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Funeral Thoughts

Sometimes I like to think about my funeral and what I would like to take place therein. Is this weird? Probably. But don't feel too sad, they're just thoughts. Here are my requests:

1. I think I'd really like to have a carnival funeral.

Since I didn't have one for my wedding, I think it would be a great way to break the depressing tension and mourning that is inevitable at funerals. Instead of mourning my death, celebrate my life, and please close my casket and put a funny picture of me on top. Or of this guy. (read more about him here.) And have a carnival. I don't care what the specifics are--be creative! Anyone who cries gets a pie in the face, for example.

2. And you could award people my belongings sort of as my will but in a giant raffle.

The only possession I can think of that is of real importance is my journal which I have kept since i was 13. I'd give it to Sean but I think I've already told him everything i can possibly think of about my life history. The other day Sean and I were walking down the road and someone made a reference to Santa Claus.. someone looked like Santa Claus because of a sack? i can't remember. But, excited, I said "did i ever tell you the about the time when my mom took me and my sister bra shopping..." and Sean finished "...and the giant bag they put them in and you were 'Santa Bras?' Yes." Drats. This is just a taste of the gems I've recorded throughout my life. sidenote:
taste of the gems? sparkle of the gems? glimmer?

3. Read from my blog the funniest excerpts to remind people how funny i am (was) and to laugh and not cry.

This is when writing how I talk comes in very handy. You will think I am alive or haunting my own funeral which would add a fun creepy vibe to the day. Maybe have a cardboard cutout of me for full effect.

4. Here are the foods I would like served at my funeral:

You could have a table with baguettes, fancy cheeses and fruits and pastries, the very staples of my life (as it was). Also i would like Chick-fil-A chicken nuggets, and a huge table of glazed donuts provided by Lehi Bakery. See if they have any foot donuts too. It can't hurt to ask.

4. I think ragtime music is extremely fun and happy, as a rule probably. Thus, I would like my sisters to play a duet of The Entertainer or Maple Leaf Rag. Playing it on your knees and swapping places mid-song as previously performed is optional, though might greatly enhance the entertainability.

5. Or, I might allow you to play the Funeral March, but only if you change it to a major key. First, to refresh your memory, here's the original written by Chopin i just barely realized. Nice! One of my favorites. Even more appropriate.

In a major key:

(I couldn't remember exactly how the song went when i made this video, so it's not quite exact. Also, anyone want to tune my piano?)

In fact, why not just play this video at the funeral? You shouldn't have to do all the work. Jen plays at her own funeral and one less thing you have to worry about.

Anyway, that's about it. I'll let you know if i have any more funeral thoughts.


Anthony and Rene said...


Joel said...

Why don't you go ahead and dictate some blog excerpts now, so they can be played in your own voice when the time comes?

Oh, and is this funereal topic in any way related to your birthday? just wondering.

Ashley said...

Mom and I just read your post and we both agree that we can't stand it when you change minor songs to major, like Für Elise and this new treasure.

But if it's written in your will, I guess we'll oblige...