Wednesday, November 02, 2022

November 2

Hello, November, my old friend. One of my favorite months.  How many times have I discussed this? Let's see...

Well, first, there's this one, which is fun to read because it's exactly ('ish) one year later and I get to compare the similarities and differences a year makes.  I also love it because I feel similar feelings. November calls to me, like it's been waiting for me all year.  Our annually scheduled meeting or appointment.  Like a mammogram but more fun and chill.  

Then this one from a few years ago, a recounting of a day I had completely forgotten about, which is ironic given the title. 

And this, one I do remember and think back on often. I can still remember that day and the feelings I had. I have similar feelings today.  There is just something about this month. Today the weather is snowy and wet. The snow won't last but it sure has not given up.  I admire its perseverance. 

I have spent the day doing various things and I've enjoyed it all, which is weird. I worked out at the gym this morning. For me, "working out" at the gym = doing an elliptical machine while I watch TV.  Sometimes I do a class but the problem with that is the no TV thing.  Today I watched Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee which I love because it makes me feel like I'm hanging out with funny friends.  Like a third wheel who gets to tag along and be like, "ha ha! my friends are funny," from the backseat. I tell myself I could totally contribute to whatever is going on. I'm not sure I've ever admitted aloud that being a comedian is totally one of my dream jobs.  But it's true. Maybe it's more of an identity than a job anyway. I will tell myself.

Then I came home and made the grossest smoothie known to man. I always warn Sean about it. "It's a doozy today."  I fill it with all kinds of horrible things I believe to be good for me and it results in varying levels of choke-it-downability.   I then let everyone on a virtual class see me choke it down because I didn't realize I had my camera on until much later. I cannot account for all that occurred during that time but hope that was the worst of it. It was a class I had forgotten I'd signed up for but did it anyway when I saw the reminder. It turned out to be only 4 attendees-- actually, 2 people in charge and 2 attendees. I enjoy these because I love a small group, but then I have to really be present. I try to make it a personal, connecting experience for all. I can imagine it being weird to lead a class only two people came for. I know people hate zoom and I do too in certain circumstances but not for classes like this. I love seeing people's faces. I love being with strangers from afar and learning things.  

Speaking of, (afar) I told Sean I have to parent from afar which means if I have a fun idea, I need to organize it, set it up, and not be present.  For example, given the snowy weather, I decided to set up a hot chocolate station for Julian upon his arrival. He loves his after-school solitude, so I set up the cocomotion I've had for 20 years with a bowl of mini-marshmallows and other snacks and instructions to press the button to refresh it, and added his book to the side.  Then I took a shower. 

Julian came home with cozy vibes because, as I believe with many other visceral things we share, he, too, feels November (3 consecutive commas-yay).  When we met up later, he had so much to tell me and I was able to keep up with it all for the most part. Science fiction and his favorite author (John Christopher), his film class, dream jobs of film editing, preferring to be behind the scenes than the person in the front, examples of his own editing and decisions made to make it better/funnier (which were correct, for the record).  He brought up beloved jokes from Parks & Rec which gave us shared laughs. We have started letting him watch it with us and it was the right choice.   I coerced him into playing a game with me while he talked because he was "enjoying talking" with me today which means I throw all my tasks to the side and stay engaged as long as I have him. 

I mourn the loss of his little kidhood every day and try to catch the speeding bullet that is his current growing up which I know is folly. It can't be done. But I can chart 13 on days like this, knowing them when I see them, and let the spell of November befall me in whatever way it will.

I've been waiting all year for this page in my calendar. Kinda obsessed.


1 comment:

Alanna said...

It is SO HARD for me to be present with my kids. It's one of the ways I worry that I'm failing as a parent. Especially when they're little, they tend to be so boring. But I keep trying to remind myself that I have to be present for the boring stuff so they'll still be willing to talk to me by the time they're interesting and/or have real issues that they need me for. (I feel guilty even admitting this attitude. Please don't judge me too much.)

I think you're a really great mom.

I'm even less present on Zoom, if you can imagine such a thing. Something about it puts me to sleep and I spend the entire time yawning uncontrollably. It's so embarrassing.