Thursday, April 22, 2021

Extended Spring

February. The long, drawn out death of winter.  It's utterly painful to watch, much less participate in.  But, like every year, it ended. We made it through because time continues to pass. I'm sitting here thinking about it and rather than having "gotten through" winter, it's really more like I just sat still until it passed.  That sounds more accurate.  I don't remember much. Sean's birthday was in there. We usually travel for it but this year we didn't and we felt it acutely. So instead we spent the day celebrating by skipping school, eating breakfast in a heated globe outside a restaurant, wandered through the University art museum, reminding ourselves that art still exists despite the possibility of having forgotten, picked up stunning gourmet birthday treats at a bakery that makes me feel human again, and watched School of Rock in an otherwise empty theater. And the moment the clock struck March 1st, I kissed February's sorry arse goodbye and didn't look back.   

March is like a really long turn of the keys praying the engine will eventually rev up. Turn over, turn over, turn over, March. I think I spent the whole month gripping those keys and now I have a cramp. One bright spot was Sean and I got our first vaccine shots and that feeing took us into April. We are fully vaccinated now and though I still want to be careful, I admit that my resolve is fading and I struggle to care. Basically this is me with my vaccine card whenever I go do something I wouldn’t have otherwise. 

Or how I feel, anyway. 

Spring feels longer this year, for some reason. Perhaps it's because I've eliminated all seasonal expectation so literally anything is a welcome surprise.  I keep turning around expecting us to be quite into summer and then I remember it's mid-April, or mid-to-late April and am totally surprised that we're still on this side of the heat. It's that weird time of year when you forget what season you're entering.  "Oo, it's chilly. Better be thinking about Halloween costumes. Wait. No."  Actually, JK because it's ALWAYS a good time to be thinking about Halloween costumes.  

So in honor of this transitorial (not a word) period, I would like to extend to you a poem I wrote on the eve of Easter. I have a friend who I like a lot but don't talk to often. She texted me out of the blue about something she saw that reminded her of me. It was nice and I love unexpected things like this.  In turn, since I had just finished it, I asked if I could send her a poem. She happily received it, as I thought she would, as that is the kind of person she is. Also, I kind of feel like, if you make it, share it.  Then it's real. 

Easter Poem

I feel there is a warming
In my heart before the air
The melting of a frozen stone
I forgot was even there

The living long forgotten
Life itself a distant train
The promises once made
Seek remembrance, refrain

The great Return is coming
The evidence is there
I hope that I can see it
Before distortion can impair

Shaking off the darkness
Is not an easy task
It clings to me, and I to it
And wear it like a mask (<-- ha. this one's dumb.) [<-- part of the poem]

Stronger is the cycle
The contrasting hope and fear
And I upon the threshold
Felt more fully year-to-year  

But in my contemplation
Of alternative, I find
The smallest thread of wild chance
To choose it in the blind

So against the odds that tether
I break into the sun
My weather-weary spirit
Emergent champion

To leave behind what held me
To echo the amen
To relocate the beating heart 
To be born again, again.  

No comments: