Wednesday, December 05, 2018

Silent Notch

Here we are to another edition of... what.. weird things printed on packages? I'll have to think about that some more.  But every so often I feel like I come across something a little bizarre printed on packages. Some funny phrasing or nonsensical description that makes me go: ?   This one is just an error of the manufacturing but still, it gave me quite a lot of grief.  Ok, some grief.  Ok, a slight annoyance for ten seconds.

I got some strange protein bites from Trader Joe's and tried to open them.  Often packages have a little indent so it's easy to tear. But, as we all know, often it should be there and it isn't, and life is incredibly hard for just a moment.  That was the case for me and these protein bites.   Examine:

 Zoom in a little bit: 

Do YOU see a tear notch anywhere? Just because you print the words doesn't make it so!  Having it labeled so plainly made it all the more aggravating. If there had been nothing there I could have been more accepting behind the shroud of mystery. I'd have been like, well, I guess they purposely made this bag to be impenetrable, which I can respect.  But no. They put the words there so I would know FOR SURE there was a tear notch!  But there was nary a notch to be found.  I felt so duped, so deceived.  

I first tried to tear near the words, like I was instructed.  Then i migrated gradually over to both sides almost trying out each and every bump of that serrated bag edge, including down the sides where there is often a notch within an inch or two from the top.   Nothing.  I then tried opening it the same way but at the bottom of the bag, like a madman.  Not. I then tried pulling both sides apart, like a bag of chips.  Nope. Glued with liquid iron. (I imagine that would be a pretty impressive adhesive even though I don't think it chemically makes sense)  Finally I had to use scissors to open it, like I was living in Medieval times.  You know you've completely lost if it comes to scissors.  Or maybe teeth is the last desperate, pathetic option? I didn't resort to that, fortunately, but only because I had scissors on hand.

I opened it and was a little taken off guard when I saw that each bite came individually wrapped.  Normally I'd appreciate this immensely even though it's not so eco-friendly. But I was scared I might have to start all over again. Gladly, they opened easily. Not so gladly, they weren't amazing.  I'll keep them around for when I need a nutritional boost but a flavoral detriment. Plus I worked so darn hard for them. I will eat them all.


Joel said...

I don't know about iron, but there is always Liquid Nails.

)en said...

Well would you look at that! I will totally never use this but that sure is cool. It does sound super strong...