Thursday, February 06, 2014

No Hurry

In the winter, everything is slow. Everything is dark and cold and people scratch their heads trying to find things to talk about. Or do. Or live for.  And it's difficult and we get tired of being cold and the struggling and confining routine winter puts us in.

And I hear a lot of things like when's spring? and,  hurry up and come, spring  and,  my coat can burn in hell!  

But you know, right now (and this feeling may change at any moment)  I'm in no hurry for spring.  And you know why? Because after spring comes summer, and after summer comes the fall and a new school year starts. And we all know that the fall lasts approximately one eye blink and the holidays hit us in one quick succession--blam blam blam!-- and before you know it, you're at the end of another year, another set of birthdays, thinking about the next one and what you're going to do about it. And you know what? I'm SICK OF IT.

I'm sick of time pushing me around. Prodding, shoving me along when I'm just not ready. I'm sick of seeing Julian grow another 6 inches every time I turn around.  I'm sick of feeling like I ought to constantly plan for what I'm going to do next year, in 6 months, next week, or tomorrow.  I'm going to live RIGHT NOW.  I'm going to be HERE. In this season, in this moment, whatever it is.  Because it's mine. Tomorrow will come, I know this. There's nothing i can do about it. But I say let it come when it will come.  As for me, I will turn my attention to right now, and fill this moment with things, i hope, to enrich my life.  A chat with a friend. A group text about ridiculous nonsense.  Some time on the piano or the journal or writing a letter to someone. Imagining them receiving the letter and seeing what I can do about trying to amp up the sparkle.    Time to slow down and hibernate in that special way winter affords.   Some time to eat a brownie and watch a funny show.  Time to sit and do nothing but rest my face in the sunbeams.  To put off the franticness of life and acknowledge that sometimes I have to just slough through the difficult or the mundane. To allow myself to have lame moments that aren't filled with productivity and meaning, but to at least be aware of it. Like one morning the most eventful thing to happen was when I was eating cold orange chicken and dropping some of it on the couch. And I ate it. At 9am. It happened. Relatively exciting, to be sure. But a highlight of my life? maybe not. 

Winter can be a big mean bully, but only if I let it.  And I'm kind of tired of hating it. Tomorrow will come. Spring will come. New adventures will happen. But right now is mine. I claim it as such and I am going to take it and shove it in my pocket. I will own the moment and make sure I've used it up good. I will not let winter overpower me. Just as Jennifer Connelly in Labyrinth breaks free and wins the moment she realizes that scary in a super weird hot way David Bowie has no power over her, thus it is the same with winter. Winter has its place, it is no longer my foe. I am in no hurry for spring.


Britta said...

Amen, Sistah! You own it.

Brooke said...

I have been loving the beauty of winter this year. The white and black of the mountains against the baby blue of the sky. The cold that is bracing and crisp. I'm astounded by the beauty I live in daily. So yeah, let's enjoy this time. Spring can come when it's time. In the meantime, rock on, winter!