Friday, April 17, 2009

Would You Rather? #4

Here we are.

Would you rather have to wear scuba flippers during all waking hours for a month -OR- have to wear a huge, festive sombrero and carry a large trumpet with you everywhere for a month?

I love the word "festive" in there. "But WAIT--is it festive?" That changes everything. Well, i do like me a nice sombrero. And crazy hats aren't all that crazy. But wearing flippers is, and it would drive me crazy. Plus, with my sombrero and trumpet I could join in the fiesta music trios that often play on the trains and pretend I am part of it. Because they are rather good.

Would you rather jump from a 100-foot high ledge onto a pile of sofa cushions -OR- from a 100-foot high ledge into a 95-foot high pile of thick, whipped cream?

Good heavens, jumping into whipped cream sounds like a dream. But will I be safe? I am not sure. Exactly how thick is it? And did they use heavy whipping cream? And how long did they whip? Is it on the borderline of buttery? What is the consistency like? Was there sugar added?

In 8th grade we had a project where we had to design a receiving device that would catch an egg from the roof and keep it from breaking. My friend and I chose popcorn. It would allow some give but also resistance. And you can eat it. (Anything that serves a purpose that you can also eat = bonus.) It worked very well but somehow i don't think it will help me with this dilemma. I say 95-foot high pile of whipped cream because that is what dreams are made of. If I die, at least i spent the last seconds of my life extremely happy.

Would you rather have your ears where your eyebrows are -OR- have your nose where your belly button is?

Wait, if my ears are where my eyebrows are, are my eyebrows where my ears are? I'm just asking. I think I will say, have my nose where my belly button is. My belly button doesn't serve much of a purpose and aesthetically, all my nose does is make my face look normal. I am not sure noses are particularly great-looking. They greatly affect the way your face looks but I am convinced that even a "really pretty nose" (as one might say) is just a nose that doesn't make your face ugly, but the thing itself isn't all that spectacular. Maybe this is true of all facial features. SO, i'll have my nose on my belly and then get a fake nose to put on my face so I don't scare people. I need my ears where they are so they hold up my glasses and I think having them together, side-by-side on the front, would mess up my hearing somehow. I think there's a reason why they are where they are. Too bad i don't know what it is. Too bad I took a class called Sensation & Perception that was totally interesting and probably learned this, and too bad I have the memory of a walnut for things I learned in school.

Would you rather find your way through an intricate maze with only a pencil and paper to help you -OR- with only a compass?

Pencil and paper to help me? What, is this a
magical pencil and paper that can talk to me and give me advice? Otherwise it sounds like I just have my brain to help me. Let me think now to a classic "maze" movie: Labyrinth. On second thought, no. I think that creepy film is one best left in my childhood. Well, i guess i'd choose the paper and pencil but not because I think they'd be a better help to me than a compass in getting out, but because I am sure i could not find my way out and would give up pretty quickly. But I could sit down and write out the rest of my memoirs before I die in the maze.


Sean said...

Truly a thought-provoking post.

For some reason, just the thought of falling through 95 feet of whipped cream makes me gasp for air. I don't know if I am afraid of the fall itself or the choking lungfuls of foam awaiting me at the bottom... Either way, I'm just going to take the elevator back down.

Joel said...

I'll go with the sombrero, which will force people to give you space, whereas the flippers will result in your falling over a lot because someone else is stepping on them. Plus I always had a secret dream of being in a mariachi band.

I agree with Sean, at least as far as having no desire to suffocate. I choose the cushion jump—the dream of every red-blooded American child.

I'm impressed with your observation that it's necessary for our ears to be separated in order to locate sound, but you failed to realize that your nose is equally essential to hold up your glasses. I'll go with the ear-brows and wear a pince-nez (and maybe some spats to go with them).

Pencil and paper. You can draw a map of where you've been.

Sorry for the novel.
The end

Andrew said...

I bet if you whipped out some rad improv on your trumpet while wearing a ridiculous sombrero, the people in the subway bands would really appreciate it. I'm sure you could match each of the bands' specific styles pretty easily. And if you asked really nicely, they would probably let you in on a cut of the money.

Rob said...

1. Easy, Sombrero, because then I wouldn't have to resist my constant urge to yell "Arriba, Arriba, AI AI!!" Must be in my Arizona blood.

2. The hardest question by far. The question is kind of vague about the height of the cushion pile. I really can't picture how much a pile of whipped cream would slow me down. Is it contained in something, or just piled up on the ground? I guess I choose whipped cream, and jump with mouth open!

3. So if my nose is on my belly button and I have no nose on my face, then I look like a freak anyway, so I choose the ears for eyebrows to avoid constant lint build up in my nose.

4. Pencil and Paper, because if I have a compass, and nothing to write with, I can't remember 27 degrees for 47 paces, 189 degrees for 104 paces, etc. At least with the paper I could draw a picture.

Scott said...

I took the SAME class in 2004-05 school year. Anyhow . . . a nose where your belly button is would definitely change the common cold beast into something WAAAYY more disgusting. You can definitely forget about blowing your nose in public. Ears for eyebrows, I could get used to, especially if they blinked like my eyes (hey, while we're dreaming, I'd like a million dollars where my pocket lint is . . . )