Sunday, January 22, 2006

I Want to Live in Middle Earth

Once upon a time, I would live in Middle Earth. Legolas and I would get married and our kids could play with Aragorn and Arwen's. We could live in Lothlorien or Rivendell, I don't care which. I guess we could live in Mirkwood, which is where Legolas is from but maybe we would just visit. We could have a summer home in the Shire too. I would hang out with Eowyn who could teach me her sweet battles moves. I'd also borrow her clothes, and Arwen's too. Though whimpering and rocking back and forth in fetal position by one of the fallen oliphants, I'd try to cheer on Eowyn defeating the Witch King of Agmar. "Yeah, that's right!" I'd say. "She is no man!" Also, I would kick Lord Denethor in the behind on his way jumping off the edge of the courtyard, a-blaze at Minas Tirith but not before telling him you NEVER bite into a cherry tomato!

I would ask the Ents if they would be offended if i hung a hammock on them. Then they could talk to me and tell me stories as i swung in the breeze in Fangorn Forest. I'd meet the 2 sets of triplets--a boy and girl, who were all apparently separated at birth but each boy and girl paired with each other. Two were brought up Rohirrim, two as children of Gondor, and two, amazingly, as Hobbit children. (please watch the movies more closely to notice this)

I would need to take Elvish lessons, probably from Arwen, so she could teach me how to talk in that deep throaty voice. I wonder, though. Would mine and Legolas' kids, being half human, half elf, influence their abilities at all? Would they only be able to half walk on top of snow? Maybe sink down halfway but not all the way to the ground? Hmm. And would they be able to see things clearly only half a mile away instead of a mile like normal Elf vision? These are things to think about and probably discuss before having children.

I would need a cooler name to be married to an Elf. Ah, this site has shown that my Elven name is L Mawien, High Queen of the Noldor. That'll be fine. We could ride the Eagles and I would love to learn how they figure out who has to camp out at the beacons day and night on end, "just in case." Those guys are champs. Our kids would use the light of Elendil as their nightlight and that is how it would be, sharing in the days of peace, were I to live in Middle Earth.


Anonymous said...

I think I would be super creeped out by your photo manipulation. Oh wait, I am. Please don't ever do that again.

Anonymous said...

Also, how does Sean feel about your hypothetical marriage to Legolas? I'd be interested to find out, you unfaithful little tramp.

)en said...

ha ha... whatcha talkin' about? Sean was super creeped out too. Although, why are my hands green?

Sean supports my hypothetical marriage. In fact, he encourages it.

Brooke said...

I, too, am creeped out by the picture. But, after considering it further, I think you'd make a great Elvish queen, Jen. Go for it! And, hey, Sean could have elvish blood, for all we know.

Rob said...

A guy on my mission once told me I have elvish features. So according to that website I shall from henceforth be called Rill, LORD OF RIVENDALE! I totally hate that cherry tomato scene; he totally got what he deserved. Lunacy, third degree burns, and a fall from the white tower sounds like a reasonable punishment for such complete disregard for proper dinner etiquette.

Cache said...

(not related to this post)

1. thanks for liking my blug
2. my sister sariah lives in brooklyn, have you met her? (everyone knows each other in brooklyn, right?)
3. I like your husband's chair drawings

Anonymous said...

i have no comment. well, obviously i do since i'm writing one...but you know what i mean.