"Does it even feel like Christmas?" I asked to a table of people the other day. The consensus was that no, it does not. And we wondered why. Maybe it's the new lingering cloud of disorientation we now exist in when you try to do "normal" during the ambiguity of a pandemic. We keep talking about "the before times" but what times are these? The "now times," preceding the "after times" we hope will come but have no idea what will look like? Maybe these ARE the "after times" and we don't know it. It's the new now. How do you move forward while also feeling like things hang in the balance, things are on hold? Everyone's saying to each other, "This is how I live my life now. I am living my life. This is normal and fine." But who are they telling?
But, it could also be the weather. It's been unseasonably warm here. It's nice but very confusing. Yet again, I'm made aware at how much I rely on the elements to recalibrate my inner clock. We need a weather break for it to feel like moving on to the next phase. So really, who knows.
What do you think? Does it feel like Christmas yet? What do you do to make that happen? We put up some decorations but not a lot. It's good. Every year, I have to reconcile "imagined Christmas" with "real Christmas." What I think I want it to look like vs. what it's going to actually look like. It's been a big year for us. So many things are different. I feel drastically different. Julian has aged dramatically which is extremely disorienting. Sean has experienced some changes as well. So much newness while still in the same place. And I suppose we need to figure out the new us in the new now, and see what that looks like in a new Christmas.