Now, here I'd say "spoiler alert" but I'm not even sure I'm getting what it's about. But the story ends with him discovering there is another person out there like him and he reasons (through his amazing reasoning abilities) that the only option is to find him and the natural conclusion is that they can't both survive. Somehow, the other person triggers an automatic self-destruct sequence that is apparently possible for people who are "in the know" by somehow "programming" this main guy by the use of a single word. Everything is connected to this and it is a mechanism of some kind, blah blah blah, who the hey knows, why am I reading this in the middle of the night???
But this story brings to mind a conversation I had with Sean the other day in the middle of the day and I really think there might be a connection. I'm still trying to make sense of it. I'm not sure I ever fully will. Unless someone gives me an injection of hormone K, which is what it's called. But I'm suspicious Sean's part of some top secret government experiment and this conversation is Exhibit A:
SEAN: Did you hug me in the nighttime?
JEN: I don't know, did I?
SEAN: I think you did. I think you rolled over and spooned me and I was like, this is nice.
JEN: Ha ha.
SEAN: And I had this distinct feeling that I was an apple pie.
SEAN: Yeah. When i'm warm and comfortable, I have this distinct feeling of, "I am the apple pie."
JEN: THE apple pie?
SEAN: Yes. I have a hard crust but I'm warm and gooey on the inside. It helps me sort of re-center. It was important to discover about myself that I thought of myself that way and it re-centers me.
JEN:SEAN: Whatever happens, I can just be the apple pie.
(oldschool emoticon. It perfectly captures my expression)
JEN: Are you sure you didn't dream all of this? ... that you're not sleeping now?
And then he told me something about an "hommelette," a term coined by French psychoanalyst Jacques Lacan, (post-Freud, it should be noted) describing the identify conflict in infants during what he calls the "mirror phase." Here's a blip I found (from here):
Within the ‘imaginary order’ of this stage, the child continues to build its self image, oscillating between alien images and fragments of the real body. From surreal paranoia, the ego starts to emerge as an unconscious construction. Somewhat wittily, Lacan called this the ‘hommelette’ : the little man, made out of broken eggs. When a baby sees itself in a mirror, it both recognizes itself and misrecognizes itself. The image seems to be psychologically integrated and physically coordinated in a way that the baby does not feel.
Also, this being a family of weirdos, here's a recent Julian quote that feels quite appropriate. It makes me feel good now to think that it may not be just me who(m??) he gets it from:
JULIAN: I only like my present self. I don't like my past self.
JEN: You don't?
JULIAN: I only like myself the second that I am. See, I don't like myself at the beginning of saying what I just said.
I only like myself the second that I am.