Thursday, December 11, 2014

Sick For So Long

Four score and seven years ago, I caught a cold.  And that brings us to today.

Geez Lou-ISE this has been a long one.  If I can recollect (that feels like an old person word, does it to you? i like it), it started the weekend before Thanksgiving.  Not a big deal, and it looked like it was on the outs about three days later when I woke up with a sore throat. And that felt very distinct, like, oh NO...
It felt different. Usually when I get a cold it lasts maybe three days, if it's lucky, and then it's gone. I never get sick! But when it took a turn, it felt different and I wasn't at all sure what I was in for.

Well, what i was in for was a silly cold. Nothing horrible, just stupid and lame and so outstandingly stubborn. It will not leave my body.   I've been sick for so long, it's not even gross to me anymore that used tissues are strewn about the house.  I'm just like, "what?" if someone questions or looks peculiarly at it. In fact, I'm pretty sure i leave them out because I bet there's some corner of that tissue i haven't used yet...

You could say it's a very healthy cold. I've been sick for so long, when Sean asks me "how's your cold?" I respond enthusiastically, "it's doing really well! Yeah! Just hanging in there like a champ!"

I've been sick for so long, I've forgotten what it was like before.  I'm like, "what? this is how my voice sounds. This is how it's always sounded. what's wrong with YOU?"

I've been sick for so long, if I don't have a tissue stuffed up my nose, Julian runs away, scared, because he doesn't recognize his own mother. Poor thing.

I've been sick for so long, my nose has long surpassed the raw, painful nostrils stage from all the blowing and wiping and, I'm pretty sure, has now created some kind of nose-blowing callous right at the very base. It's either a callous or snot-encrusted but either way, it doesn't hurt so bad anymore... (I feel like this is the kind of thing one says before they die from the ailment. kind of a dreamy, relaxed state. Maybe i'm experiencing some kind of cold zen?)

We've determined that it's because my body isn't accustomed to these weirdo Utah cold germs.  Which seems weird to me because, living in NYC, i feel like i must have been exposed to every disease imaginable.  But maybe my immune system is TOO good, TOO strong. It's been building up its defenses for King Kong and completely forgot about silly little cold germs and now it doesn't know what to do with them so it just sits idly by, too proud to fight something so piddly.  Or maybe it's too compassionate? Awwww... wook at the widdle cold germs! they're so cuuuute! it says.

Meanwhile, every day I wake up and it's exactly the same. I keep waiting for it to dwindle in some capacity, even by a tiny fraction, one small element, but no.  I've never known such constancy. It's remarkable!  And I'm now entering compliant acceptance. Coughing, sneezing, filling up buckets with snot, and snorting up the night out of one (if i'm lucky) good nostril are all just a regular part of my life now.  It's who I am.  

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