Friday, July 09, 2010


On the tube of my Crest toothpaste, it has in the corner in red:    

For best results, squeeze tube from the bottom and flatten as you go up.  

Curious.  What is this saying?  For best results.  What is my goal when i use a tube of toothpaste?  What is the desired result? To expel the toothpaste from the tube as efficiently as possible, so the least amount as possible remains inside?  If that were my goal, then yes, that would be way to get the best results. However, i actually want to clean my teeth and ultimately prevent cavities, when I brush my teeth.  Is using the tube this way going to make that happen? Huh? Will it?!?   Because i could just squeeze the tube from the bottom and flatten as i go up, squeezing it all right into the trash and not even brush my teeth at all.  Maybe Crest doesn't think people read the back of the tube. But I do. Oh, i do.

Fail, Crest.  Try again. 

post script:  What the, i just read this as a bulleted advantage to using Crest: 

  • Tastes good without the salty aftertaste.

a)  salty?? What on earth? Is this a common side effect the whole world knows about except for me?  What are people using? Salty?  
b) who's to say salty isn't what tastes "good."  What is a "good" taste, Crest.   Maybe i like salty toothpaste, even though i've never had it.  You don't know.   

And that's what i have to say about my tube of Crest.   For today, at least.


Ashley said...

I also saw this "best results" statement on my tube of toothpaste the other day (weird coincidence), and I was a little bit bothered that they were telling me how to squeeze it. I'm a squeeze-from-the-middle kind of girl and I like it!

Joel said...

Here's a little riddle for you:

What are you if you use Colgate toothpaste?

Joel said...

All right, if nobody wants to guess, the answer is: The anti-Crest.

Kristina P. said...

Apparently, I need to stop using Sensodyne.

)en said...

Aah, i totally did stop using Sensodyne when the inside of my mouth started to attack itself. TMI? I don't think so.

Alanna said...

A few days after reading this, I happened to notice the same label on my toothpaste. I'd already been annoyed by the "flatten from the bottom" advice. Give me a break, Crest-- how dumb do I look? But the "salty aftertaste" thing leaves me completely dumbfounded. (It also leaves me glad for a chance to use the word "dumbfounded." What a great word...)