Friday, September 04, 2009

Everyday Elvish

Lately, the more I think about it the more I am convinced that, should it one day come to this, I could successfully communicate my feelings and thoughts by using nothing but phrases from Lord of the Rings. Examples (and i have used these several times, let it be known):

When you want to keep someone from going by you: "YOU..SHALL NOT...PAAASS!"
i guess i don't have to shout it in their faces nor use an accent which is how i'm saying it in my head. And i probably won't have a wizard's staff with me to use to block their way (though there are times i wish i did) But other than that, it totally works.

When you are very hungry: "I don't recall the taste of food."

When you insist someone use you for help: "Share the load..."
Feel free to echo it as well. They might be creeped out but it might also help them remember to rely upon others. "...share the load, the load..load...oad..." I am now laughing out loud at the idea of echoing things you say to people. I should probably try this out and treat every room i'm in as if it's a cave.

When someone mistakes you for a male when you are a female: "I am no man!" But maybe don't thrust a sword in their face. It was an honest mistake. probably.

If you're making food for a special occasion and someone comes in to take a sample, swat at their hand and snarl at them, "They are NOT for eating!"
When you're at the market perusing the produce and are deliberating with a friend about which kind to get, suggest, "What about them? They're fresshhh!" Salivating a little might add to the effect and help the decision to be made.

"The mines are no place for a pony."
How many times could i use this one in my daily life, i say rhetorically.
If someone tries to deceive or coerce you for evil purposes: "your words are poison!"

When you want someone to scope something out for you, and also pay them a compliment at the same time: "What do your elf eyes see?"

An alternate greeting to the standard/boring "hello":
"I know your face!"

a dialogue:

Jen: I can't sleep.

Sean: What's keeping you up?

Jen: A sleepless malice...

This can refer to anything, perhaps solely the inability to sleep. Or just some malice. Or something stirring in the East...

I need to incorporate Elvish into my vocab and then I will be complete.

any other usable phrases? Because I'm sure everyone has thought about this as I have...


Joel said...

I already do this, but in my case I pepper my conversations with quotes from the Simpsons. Surprisingly few people notice. Still, I recognize that it's not on par culturally with LOTR. So I should get a little "Are you frightened? Not nearly frightened enough" action going on.

Alanna said...

I usually try to keep my quotes centered on Arrested Development and Buffy the Vampire Slayer. But I can see how shouting "I am no man" would be awfully useful, if only I can remember to not thrust that sword into anyone's face... The next time you manage to use "The mines are no place for a pony" in a sentence, will you please, please, please post that conversation on your blog???

Amber Alvarez said...

My LOTR quotes are usually gollum focused:
--If someone tries to use my pens I usually clutch them to my chest and hiss: "Not the precious!"

--When I'm at my parent's house and my someone other than my mom or dad wants something of me:
"Master looks after us now. We don't need you anymore."

--I repeat this in my head at the post office or bank when in Brooklyn: "We be nice to them, if they be nice to us"

--I like using this one when my editor wants to know when I'm going to be done with something that isn't due for days: "Mustn't ask us, not it's business."

Of course these only work if you're willing to say them in your best Andy Serkis voice.

Natalie R. said...

I frequently talk about breakfast, second breakfast and elevenies. It makes me feel better on those days when I just seem really hungry. ;0)

Pedersen Posse said...

We, too, use "my precious" quite a bit. And "What's he got in his pocketsess?"

)en said...

So many good Gollum quotes. Why have i not incorporated them more?

Wait--there is one that i use: "We shall see... oh yes, we shall see."

I feel that the phrase "mines are no place for a pony" would be more figurative, in a "fish out of water" scenario, as i live nowhere near any actual mines for my pony (also named Bill) to go into.

Kim said...

I don't think we've ever made potatoes in our house without someone busting out "Po-Ta-Toes! Boil 'em, mash 'em, stick 'em in a stew."