Friday, August 28, 2009

If We Mated

[warning: potential TMI & sap alert.]

I should totally get my non-paid money back from this website telling me that apparently...


+

=

?

Mmm... no. I see little resemblance.
















those dimples just might be the death of me.


So, I birthed a baby.

Name: Julian Rex. Julian because the name makes
my little heart melt and Rex because he's a
little dinosaur--KING of the dinosaurs.
Possible nicknames: Jude, Jules, or Jujubee, apparently.
Born: August 18 at 2:05pm
Weight: A good-sized melon
Length: about from the fingertips to the elbow


The birth: Highlights & lowlights on a vague timeline


Lowlight: All the false alarms. Was all set to go in for c-section on the 7th but at the last minute, baby fixed our problems and voila, we're doing it vagina style. Totally tripped me out though. On that day and in the days after, I felt like Gwyneth Paltrow in Sliding Doors, living an alternate reality.

Went in on the 13th certain it was going to be the day. It wasn't. Went home. PSYCH #2!

Highlight: contractions. It's an exciting time. Also, watching Sean doing some mad cleaning at 2am before we leave for the hospital. Vigorous vacuuming & dusting. So funny.

lowlight: interns learning how to insert an IV in my arm. Sucking at it. Insulting my veins. I defend them deliriously mid-contraction: "I have lovely veins..." And that's true, too. I've given blood a lot in my time and they always compliment me.

lowlight: painful contractions. I am wussy wusserson. Also, getting ye olde cervix checked and mumbling i might have a sensitive cervix.. when it gets touched.. like by doctors. Awkward surrounding laughter. Actually, that's kind of a highlight because it's funny, except when they do check me and I'm at a ONE. And it hurts like a feverish hell and I literally kick and snarl at them, "GET... OUT!" (yes, as in.. get out of my.........) Slightly embarrassed.

lowlight: get checked again by Dr. Satano at noon who declares i'm at a 3. pretty sure cervix is recoiling of its own accord at the touch of Evil.

highlight: what a blessed blessed thing an epidural is. Hadn't slept a wink the previous 2 nights so I got some good z's after that. I heart the epidural. Also, get a shot of pitocin to "get things rolling," aka, tell my cervix to stop being such a coward.

lowlight: get checked at 1:00 by our doc. highlight: Says i'm at a 6 but since it's my first kid, it'll be a while. Hours and hours, lowlight. Bummer. Highlight though: more sleepy time.

lowlight/highlight: feeling some pain and odd sensations.

highlight: got a button on my epidural stick to give myself a shot of more meds. Ahhhh. lowlight: still feeling weird things. Sean's out getting lunch.

highlight: Sean returns at 1:30 and i ring the goddess midwife and i tell her of my pains and weird sensations, like i want to push. She checks me. "Well, that could be because you're fully dilated and i can see his head. He has dark hair." Say what!She lets us alone to get to work while she fetches the doc. It is amazing at this time.

lowlight: Nurse Scary. She scares me. But she's kind of entertaining, highlight.

Highlight: Labor. Who said it was hard? Pffft, pansies. Then again, pushing for 20 minutes vs. hours might make a difference. In the moments afterward, as i laid back reveling in the moment of such a freakin' awesome event, i also kind of wondered, really? is that it? But, loving the post-delivery euphoria. Sean and i sobbing like little girls.

click here to watch a video of Tiny doing nothing.

13 comments:

Ashley said...

Yeah, there's something about the computer-generated baby's nose that isn't anything like yours or Sean's. But maybe give it some time. He looks much older than little Jujubee, so maybe he'll grow into it and that website will have hit the nail on the head. Probably so.

Also, can I applaud your courage in discussing your own cervix? Not many women have the bravery you do.

Kim said...

I've made it a policy not to gush over other peoples' kids on the Internets (to avoid that awkward "creepy chick" image) but here I am, breaking all the rules.

Darling, darling little guy.

Jen said...

i know, i think i broke my own rules of not being a lame TMI mom blogger. I thought i could talk about my cervix if it was funny, but maybe that's just not possible. But i'm already kind of a TMI person anyway...

thanks for the gush. :)

The Pedersen Posse said...

Glad someone else is open enough to discuss their cervix and dislike of being "checked," more like raped. Congrats! (on the kid not the cervix)

Joel said...

I wanted to leave a comment on the last post asking if anyone else thought that your absence was due to having the baby. Hindsight...

That being said, welcome to the world, little J. R. If you're half as insightful and entertaining as your mom, New York is in for quite a treat.

Aunt Reta said...

Jen and Sean - Congratualtions!!! He's here and he's adorable. Ya done good.

Anthony and Rene said...

Congrats! Little Julian is a cutie. I also love his name.

Alanna said...

I'm so glad that someone out there besides my father will have the name Rex now! And Julian is adorable-- especially the dimples.

And was I right? Is labor a heck of an amazing thing, even for all it's awkward, painful, uncomfortable scariness? All those women talking about how they felt so "empowered" after giving birth used to make me want to gag, but after I did it, I sort of had to agree. It's a good kick-start into motherhood, I think...

Congratulations!!!

Michelle said...

Yeah!!! Congrats!!!

lindsey v said...

Congratulations on your new baby! He is a cute little person.

I'm excited to see the entertaining pieces you will write on being in charge of a new baby, just like this one on labor. I loved it!

I had a labor nurse once who scared me at first too. She was sort of a manish woman and her name was Pat. But she turned out to be very funny and nice and calming for me.

Jen said...

Aw, you all are so nice. Manish woman--ha. Pat--haha. Joel, so nice. And my Aunt Reta commented! Hurrah!

Labor is amazing, what can i say? It just is.

I hope i can keep an entertaining blog from now and henceforth. I feel like anything can happen. Be patient with me.

Natalie R. said...

Congratulations Jen, Sean and Julian!! I really like the name Julian, and he is such a cutie! I know Alanna already mentioned this, but I also have to say that I have a soft-spot for the name Rex since it's our dad's name. :0) Good luck with everything, and make sure you get rest!!

Kelli said...

Jen, J-Rex is STUNNING. Seriously, beautiful!

Also, I get painfully jealous of labor stories like yours :) Congratulations, you two.