Monday, December 01, 2008

Package Delivery People: An Analysis

T'is the season to start buying stuff online. As someone who loathes lines and the nonexistence of customer service, I am a fan of online shopping. Over the years I have purchased many things online and also have received several packages from people so I've had a lot of varying experiences from different mail carrier services. Here is my analysis.

USPS: They are probably my favorite, as long as they leave the package here even if I'm not home. I know it's their job to take it back to the post office if I'm not but it is a pain in the arse going there. Also: in my experience, when they have a delivery for me, many times the courier will cheerfully call out "mailman!" as i'm opening the door, which makes me several degrees happier, and i say, "thank you!" and he says, "you are welcome! Have a great day!" And I say, "You TOO!" and by the end of that interaction I am dance-walking, swinging my arms high and whistling zippity doo dah while i walk back to my apartment door with my parcel tucked under my arm.

They are friendly too, but, in my experience, a little TOO friendly. When the delivery man starts inviting me to parties and saying things like "what you been up to? I haven't seen you in a while" and i say "i don't i guess i'm not buying much stuff lately" and he said "well you should buy more stuff!" *wink* and also asks if i have a cat because he has some cat toys he's trying to get rid of, (?) I feel a bit intruded-upon not to mentioned slightly (very) creeped out, and i have to put up some resistance. This is where the fake phone call comes in handy, where I can pretend to be on the phone when i answer the door which leaves time enough only for a whispered "oh, thank you!" signing for the package, and closing the door so I can resume my "call." Otherwise I'll get cornered into talking about my marriage and whether or not I'm happy in it.

I like FedEx. They are fast in getting a package to me and fast in delivering it into my hands. Kind of freakishly fast, in fact. I open the door, and as i'm saying "thank y---" ZING! He is gone, and a puff of dust is in his place. And i stand there a few moments longer wondering where he went, and perhaps I just imagined the whole thing or had a memory lapse because where did this box I'm holding come from??


Pedersen Posse said...

I, too, am a fan of the USPS, but mostly because it's a little cheaper to ship things that route. Our mailwoman in Omaha was the grumpiest person I've ever met. I think her face would have cracked open if she smiled.

I've never had an overly friendly UPS guy. The couple I've interacted with were very kind and helped me carry in heavy packages. Perhaps you should try answering the door in your grungiest clothes without brushing your teeth or your hair and talking on the phone. Or maybe offer him a Book of Mormon next time he knocks. Reverse prosilyting (sp?).

Joel said...

That could be fun. See what wacky, weird things you could do to weird him out. If anyone could do that, Jen, it's you.

)en said...

10 years later, I am seeing this comment and feeling super flattered. Best compliment. Also reading this post is a little embarrassing as I am so much bolder these days as I was then. Ah well. We all grow up in our own time. And now I am all-wise, I am happy to say.