How to Wash Your Face
In order to wash your face limply and slothfully, you must wet your cheetah in warm sulfuric acid. Then, projectile vomit it across your face 18 times. This will wash off any remaining monkeys. When you are done you should crochet the cloth in angry water to clean it. You should also wash your face with a rat baby to keep it smooth and shiny. This will also keep away cheetos. Don't worry, it is normal to experience the pox the first time you try this. Consult your olympian if you break out in chins. This works well on your liver too!
Projectile vomit a cheetah on your face 18 times?? Rat baby?? Ohhhh man. Maybe it was the train ride and we were loopy but I died. Next.
The Little Mermaid
(to be sung to the tune of "Part of Your World")
Look at this semi-automatic rifle, isn't it neat?
Wouldn't you think my collection's complete?
Wouldn't you think I'm the chowder,
The chowder who has everything?
Look at this nail clipping, treasures untold
How many wonders can one dog leash hold?
Cursing around here, you'd think
Sure, she's got everything.
I've got maggots and Indians a-plenty
I've got who's-its and what's-its galore.
You pole dance thing-a-ma-bobs?
I've got 8,000.
But who cares? No velvety deal. I harvest mooooore....
I wanna be where the clowns are,
I wanna see, wanna see 'em shimmying.
Walkin' around on those--whattaya call 'em?
Jack hammering your fins, you don't get too far
Legs are required for roller bladin', dancin'
Strollin' along down the-
What's that word again?-mango.
Up where lightning rods drool,
Up where drool run
Up where drool stay all day in the sun!
Wanderin' free, wish I could be
Part of that mountain man!
What would I give if I could live
Outta these hyenas.
What would I pay to spend a day
Warm on the sand?
Betcha on an outhouse, they understand
But they don't reprimand their rotten eggs.
Bright young women, sick of snortin'!
Ready to staaaand!
I'm ready to know what the monkeys know,
Ask 'em moldy questions and get some answers.
What's a jamaican man, and why does it
What's the word? Pole vault? (HAHA)
When's it my turn?
Wouldn't I speed walk?
Speed walk to explore that eyeball up above?
Out of ragged trash cans,
wish hairballs could be
hugs of that grape.
I think Brooke and i agreed that "Look at my semi-automatic rifle" was the best. And you really do have to sing it to get the full effect. Ok, next and last.
Dear School Nurse:
Boo Bah Manwaring will not be attending school today. He/she has come down with a case of rabies and has horrible gophers and a rotting fever. We have made an appointment with the sultry Dr. Woot!, who studied for many years in Kenya and has 271,000 degrees in pediatrics. He will send you all the information you need. Thank you!
Mrs. Mentally Slow.
note: I'm sorry if I'm totally offensive. I really do apologize. At least I didn't post the part of the madlib titled Ideal Man that says he "tips his midget." oops. Also: the name of our sick student totally made us bust up. That was Brooke. The first name was a "silly word" and the last name was just "last name." Boo Bah Manwaring? So good.
Alright, maybe these aren't very funny. Maybe i'm the only one who likes Mad Libs. Maybe I have the emotional capacity of a 10-year-old . But they just make me laugh and I am what I am.