I once heard a kid describe/explain an autistic child as someone who “lives inside his own mind.” I thought that was an interesting way to describe that. I am not comparing blindness to autism but today I feel as if I’m living inside my own mind. I depend on my mind’s eye for everything, and I have to remember so much more. Where did I put the camera? Where did I lay this or that down? I have to be purposeful in every action so that I don’t unknowingly set up a booby trap for myself later.
It’s still morning time I think and I’m getting tired of not seeing. It’s going to be a long day. Maybe I’ll check the voicemail on my phone. I practiced the other day so I think I can do it. I know I can text message without looking but there isn’t much point in that right now.
Feeling around is working ok for me except I keep half expecting to suddenly put my hand over a human hand or brush against a leg that doesn’t belong to me. Movies such as Wait Until Dark are now coming to mind.
I can’t find my slippers. I’ve felt for them everywhere.
My friend called me a while ago and it saved me. So nice to feel normal and have some kind of interaction other than with what my hands come into contact with. I missed the call at first because I was at the piano and it took me forever to get to the phone. Playing the piano was successful, by the way. I feel the most comfortable there. I also like typing too though. I have been dying to know what time it is and miraculously, the old phone number I used to call as a kid to find out the time and temperature came into my mind. Three seven three, nine one two oh! (forget using the number pad…) I haven’t called it in YEARS... And it is still there. It took a long time to feel for the numbers on my phone. Wow. That’s hard. But the time now is around one-thirty.
I think it’s about 4:00 now. Maybe 3:30? Maybe ?? I don’t know. I’ve spent most of the afternoon trying to listen to P&P. I fell asleep. This is the hard stretch, I think. One thing I’m noticing is I’m becoming more dizzy. My equilibrium seems to be off. I’m also feeling a little bit sick but that may be due to the whips yogurt and butter with toast on it. But I did just have a popsicle and that seems to be helping. I am now going to venture cutting a pear. I’ve left a knife out so I know where it is. We’ll see what happens. This could be really stupid.. I hope I don’t slice myself.