Wednesday, February 20, 2008

I am a crazy person*

Sometimes at night when I'm lying on my pillow, i sing songs in my head to the beat of my heart that echoes inside my ear. Call it something to do, call it weird. I kind of call it a sometimes-curse. Because I really can't help it. I can't help not singing some kind of ditty to any recurring beat lasting at least 3 seconds. And it can really interfere with my sanity.

This can be anywhere, from anything. The sound of my walking steps when I'm out and about. The click of the turn signal when i used to drive a car in the old days. The clock is especially bad because if i'm in the room, it won't stop until I leave. Or take out the batteries in a wild fit as I approach the brink of losing my mind. Sometimes, though, it's alright. I don't mind it. It's fun, i guess. I mean, who doesn't like songs, right. But yeah, sometimes i get so sick of it and other times it's downright grating.

For example, when i was small we had a "sick couch" in the kitchen. It wasn't always a sick couch and don't worry, we didn't use it to throw up all over it or anything. But it was in the perfect place and was so comfy, it was so nice to lay there when i was sick and watch other people and distract myself from my hurt. The only problem was a cuckoo clock that hung directly above the couch and for some reason, my inability to not sing a song to the rhythm combined with my ailment was just too much and it would make me go out of my mind and feel like hurling even more. So i remember having to stop the pendulum whenever i was sick on the sick couch.

The funny thing sometimes, or annoying, because I'm so bound to the speed of the rhythm, is sometimes I sing songs i've already had in my mind, and adjust them to the speed of the beat. This is funny when i'm singing a somewhat slow song and then have to sing it triple-time to adapt to the beat of whatever it is. My heart is a nice slow, moderate speed but when it's in my ear like that, I can't really escape, and this gets in the way of trying to fall asleep. Sing yourself a lullaby Jen, you might say. Which is a good suggestion. Maybe i'll try that next time. It's so hard to stop though because unless my heart does (and please don't) then I won't. But i guess i do because i eventually do fall asleep. But still.

Something similar that I do is harmonize with the beeps or hum of the microwave or car horns outside, etc etc. But that may be a tale for another day...


*i changed the name of this post to what it is now because it just sounded better. If you don't know what it was before, then it will forever remain a mystery...

3 comments:

Ashley said...

I remember you having this insane ailment, so I concur. You are a crazy person.

Jen said...

I am. I really am.

As a comment to the last little bit about harmonizing with car horns, this is particularly easy to do with the [many] car horns that are the theme from The Godfather.

Sean said...

One might add that "singing songs to yourself" is a phenomenon often replaced by sudden bursts of sound - which are clearly not for intended yourself alone, or at least their performance has little regard for the sanity of those who may share your home... Ahem. All-time most common: Born Free, Recent apparent favorite: Que Sera Sera. Oh my my my.