Wednesday, October 03, 2007

Close Encounter of the Too Close Kind

Yesterday I had my first run-in of the fall with my arch enemy: THE CENTIPEDE. Ohhhhhhaaaghhh I HATE HATE HATE these things. Bleeghghg!

Anyway, it happened in my bedroom (joy-now it knows where i sleep) while I was drying my hair. You may recall the manner in which one must attack a centipede. I am generally a chill person but the moment I see one of these things, the adrenalin is instantaneous. ZING! (that's my adrenalin rushing in) It is go time.

I had good bug-squashing shoes on so there was no problem there. But a) i totally wasn't expecting to see him and b) I had my head bent down (how i was able to spot him in the first place. I seriously can't sleep some nights due to thinking about how many bugs have passed my way unnoticed) and my hair is pretty long'ish so it was in my face. I was stomping like a crazy person--and i know i've mentioned this, but i have prety good reflexes--but my @#$% hair was in the way. So it darted under a little chest of drawers. CRAP! The only thing worse than imagining all the bugs you haven't noticed is spotting one but not being able to get it, so you know it's there. I thought that was the end of it but kept my head down still.

Moments later it foolishly crept out from under the drawers. He tried to sneak along the edge of the wall, which is a good tactic. It's really hard to squish them when they're up against a wall and these things are freakishly fast. Instinct sparked and I used the first tool I could think of: my blow-dryer. AGAIN, i have to emphasize that these things are so cursed fast. You seriously have no time to go get a decent weapon. Fortunately, I am a soldier (against bugs) and had my wits about me even though spotting these things sends me into near-cardiac arrest. I may be totally repeating myself from the BUGS post but it's just how i feel.

The blow-dryer--interesting, you might say. And indeed it was. I knew i had to get him away from the wall to give me a decent shot. I needed to get him to open floor with no obstacles for him to hide behind/under. So i used the blow dryer to blow him away from the edge, and to also force him back when he turned around to hide under the chest of drawers. Oh NO you DON'T!!

This worked well, until i made an important (perhaps, perhaps not) discovery. Centipedes are quite light. And although this seems obvious, it would have never been brought to my attention had the blast from the blow dryer not SHOT HIM UP STRAIGHT UP IN THE AIR TOWARD MY FACE!! Aaaahh!! Journal entry. October 2nd, 2007. Lesson learned for the day: One thing worse than a centipede is one that is AIRBORNE and aimed at my head as i hover over him. GAAAKKPHHPTHTHGHG!!

You may assume I died of fright then and there, and you would be right, but somehow in my state of death I was STILL able to be in battle mode and as he fell back to the ground, he darted out to open floor. SEE YA, SUCKER!! And as I stomped many, many times, I yelled the warcry, "DEAD! DEAD! DEAD!!" And so he was. My heart seriously would not settle down for at least a half hour. i was literally shaking.

Farethee well, centipede. Until we meet again...


Joel said...

According to wikipedia, the largest known centipede is found in the Amazon and grows to 12 inches. Sweet dreams!

Brooke said...

This sounds alarmingly like my encounter with a cricket in my house...

)en said...

Joel, why. I mean... why?

note to self: take "Amazon" off list of places I'd like to live.

Brooke--a CRICKET?? Pppbbbt.. that's like a cute fuzzy teddy bear in the world of bugs. Except one that chirps.

No, ok. Let's hear your story.

Michelle said...

Oh man. I'm slightly freaking out and looking around me for bugs of my own. Ehhhhhh.

Ashley said...

Loved it, Jen. You had me on the edge of my seat. This reminds me, however, of how Anna was playing around in the kitchen this last week. I looked away for a moment and then looked back to find her digging around under the sink. I totally freaked out because it looked like she was playing with and heading towards her mouth with a GIANT centipede. I just batted it out of her hands and didn't even look at it closely because I wanted her to get away from it. When it didn't move, I realized it must be dead. I immediately took her to wash her hands and sort of forgot about it. Later, when Trevor was getting something under the sink, I had him investigate the ugly thing and he announced, reassuringly, that it wasn't a bug but a spine of some kind. What?! SICK!