I would say that I am a kid at heart. I take great joy in the simple things. I think I'm quick to laugh. I can talk to kids and they can talk to me. Sometimes I'd rather talk to kids than adults. It's so much easier. No pretension, no fakeness, no insecurities, (well, until you hit a certain age, i guess). I am an adult though, and have grown and changed in many ways so I like to remind myself to be like a kid more. I love to reminisce of the old days, things i loved when I was small. Things that just remind me of when I was small. I like when i have flashbacks to things. Like one time I was leaning over the faucet in my home I was raised in, to get a glass of water and I had a sudden flashback to the days when I had to jump, hoist myself over the counter and drink straight from the faucet because i couldn't reach it with my feet on the floor. After that i was struck by how much i've grown. Look, all i have to do is bend over slightly, if at all, and i don't have to balance or crush my guts and try to drink at the same time. Geez, I'm a giant. When did i get so freakin' tall?? When did this happen? Or like when i was walking by the mantle over the fireplace and i had a flashback to when i was so little that I couldn't see all the figurines and whatnots on the mantle, that they were all a mystery and man, i wished i could see what was up there. Again, I suddenly feel very tall, too tall for my legs, like I've grown 3 feet in 3 seconds. Another time is when i was walking on the street once. I was looking down at the asphalt and I had a sudden flashback to no particularly moment, but just to a time when the ground was so much closer than it was now. I could see things in much greater detail. When that moment was over, I felt very high, and a little bit scared of falling over. I remember thinking, whoa, that's a long way down.
Some things I do to take myself to yesteryear are easy. I can eat a bomb pop popsicle or ride my bike with no hands. I can play piano songs i played when i was young and i can watch movies i loved. But some things are not so easy. And i have to really try. Jumping on the trampoline is no problem. But I feel it is vital that i maintain the ability to do all the tricks i once could, which mainly means doing a flip. I feel so awkward in my overgrown body... probably because i'm just flabby and out of shape...but it's just been so long since i used to jump on the tramp all the time. So now, i just have to take more time. It requires a bit more effort. But i can do it. And when I do, I am satisfied. I don't like these things though, things that were so easy or commonplace for me then and not so much now where it's gotten to the point that I have to make an extra effort. I guess it just makes me sad that something about me before, when I was young, isn't there anymore. Like how i like fruit on the bottom yogurt and instead of going straight for the fruit on the bottom, i actually mix it up now with the yogurt. Sick!
When I was young, "sweet cereals" (what we called them) were a luxury, only had on someone's birthday. And what a wonderful day that was. It was totally looked forward to among all the other birthday things. People had their favorites. Apple jacks, lucky charms, cap'n crunch (side note: Cap'n? Is that really the name? Who the heck says "cap'n." I feel like a total moron saying it now. NO! Fight the boring adult in you, Jen! Cap'n cap'n cap'n!! Although.. i don't think i ever said "cap'n" when i was small. I guess i just didn't care then, that's the difference. And i have to not care now, and i don't!!)
So the other day, just for funsies, we got that 8-pack thing of mini cereal boxes. I've got frosted flakes, golden grahams, lucky charms, trix, etc. I haven't had any of these cereals in a cougar's age so I just poured myself some lucky charms because man, who didn't love lucky charms back in the day? And you had to sift through the blah brown non-shaped bits to get the marshmallows.
I have just finished eating my bowl. And I hate to say it, i really do, but I am going to HURL. And the brown blah parts were better than the marshmallows. No!! That's just not right! When did this happen?? This change, this transition to boringdom. I didn't know it would! Had I known, I would have eaten lucky charms every day of my life from age 9 until now, so there would never be a gap. Nothing would be lost. But I didn't know! Why does it have to happen? What can be done? I don't know. It's a sad thing. It's not like I can prevent it. I'm already old. Or am I? Hmm. I may not be a kid but I am young, younger than people older than me. I can do what I love to do now and keep doing it so that when I'm old I will still love doing it and I won't up and remember it one day, this thing, this vague memory of something i loved to do years and years ago, wax nostalgic, and try it again only to learn that I can't stand it now, after all these years. I will make transitions but keep it all with me, losing nothing. Can I? Is it all in vain? Can it be avoided? I don't know. But i will try, and if ever a moment tries to tell me, "Silly Jen, Trix are for kids," I will say, "NO. Trix are good and I LIKE them, STILL. And Bran Chex are good TOO!"
p.s. the title of this post blows. I can't, for the life of me, think of a decent one. Can anyone help me out??