Thursday, June 29, 2006

Oh, the Humidity!

Hello. So another of my enemies has decided to show it's ugly face. That's right, Humidity, evil cousin of The Slapper. They actually are quite a lethal team. Actually, humidity, the cold, and wind combine and become The Slapper so that doesn't quite make sense. Anyway, but now it's warm and normally I am very much a summer person. But the humidity condensates on my parade. (I'm pretty sure i just made that word up. Condensates, not parade.) See, it's one thing to be in the sun and all hot and sweaty, but it should be quite another being in the shade. No dice. That's the superpower of humidity, it resides in all areas, sun or no sun! Night or day! Indoors or out! No crevice is left un-dampened. There is no escape. It gives you a big sweaty hug when you're outside. It rubs your back at night as you try to sleep. It clings to your dewy legs as you sit and cross them (or not). You begin to be very conscious of any skin touching itself. Here are some ways my life changes in the summertime:

First, lotion is totally unnecessary. So this is one sort of good thing since I've grown up in Dry Land where it was a daily--if not hourly-- necessity. Second, drying your hair take forever and is stupid and pointless. This is why I have not worn my hair down at all this summer. (This is the first summer i have long hair and I'm seriously considering altering the situation) Third, sure, go ahead and dry off after the shower using a nice dry towel. You'll only be damp in mere seconds afterward. And while I'm at it, Fourth, sure, go ahead and take a shower sometimes. You'll only be damp and sweaty again in mere seconds. (I am yummy in the summertime) Fifth, there is no such thing as a "cool breeze" but instead what seems like a warm stagnant gust of the breath of a giant. So don't think that opening the window is going to do any good. In fact, after i've had the AC on for a while (and decide to shut it off) i leave the windows shut so as to keep out the humidity. I'm totally serious.

I could go on and on. This is why it's ok to look like a hag in NY. All efforts to look nice evaporate once you take a step outside. It's actually awesome that way. And it's not just in the summertime but all seasons. I have never felt so comfortable doing so little to my appearance so that is actually a difference of good. But, for the most part, it's really crappy. There is no refuge from the humidity unless you have the AC on all day and maybe a dehumidifier. But in NY you must go out sometimes and you can't just run to your car and crank up the AC there either. You'll be out in it. So you plan on sweating. Much time goes into selecting the lightest, most breathable clothing in the morning. But no matter what you do, the humidity seeps through your clothes and skin leaving you feeling soggy like you just fell in a puddle and that's just the way it is. Welcome back, stupid humidity. I hate you.

4 comments:

Kelli said...

I spent my morning commute watching a small puddle condensate in the crook of my elbow. Fascinating.

jen said...

ha ha. eww...

Brooke said...

Ugh. Sorry that the evil has returned, J. You could buy a dehumidifier and carry it and a portable power source with you everywhere you go. Good plan, I think.

AndreaRocks said...

i met him in costa rica last year! on the rare occasion that we were in the AC (hey! cool initials!) i compared going outside to being wrapped up in a nice, damp washcloth. and the only way to dry our clothes without them molding (since we couldn't leave hanging for weeks), was to simply wear them. good times!

you don't look like a hag in the pic below...maybe it was the winter. :)