The first is when I took Julian to the eye doctor. This was an early appointment during school and I'm already not a morning person but these days it just takes so very long for my brain to wake up. I'd like to blame it on that but really i was quite lucid at the moment i said it and it just happened to be the way it came out of my mouth. I meant one thing but said it in a way that would 100% be taken to mean something else. I heard it, I knew it, and I fixed it.
So Julian underwent all the vision tests and eyeball examinations which he finds tolerably unpleasant. This was just a check-up and at the end the doc said good things like his vision/prescription hasn't changed much, it's normal if _____ happens, etc. Julian let out a HUGE sigh of relief and I said,
"So relieved! What did you think was going to happen? I mean, the eye doctor is the least of all the doctors..."
EYE DOC: Oh yeah?
JEN: Errr.. least STRESSFUL, that is. I mean compared to others, the eye doctor is a pleasure. For me, anyway.
JULIAN: Yeah, at least it's not the dentist.
JEN: That's what I'm saying!
Ha ha ha. Just makes me laugh to imagine me busting out with this totally out-of-the-blue insult. "Why were you nervous? He's not even a real doctor." (which doesn't make much sense anyway) I told this to Sean later and we had a good laugh and he commented how eye doctors probably get a bit of that already, probably like dentists (like they're not real doctors). Sean was then reminded of a Seinfeld episode where Jerry's dating a dermatologist and is increasingly bothered by the idea of viewing her profession as vitally important, as if she's saving lives. This goes on until she's approached by a former patient who thanks her for saving his life and Jerry, bewildered and skeptical says, "She saved your life?" And the man says, "I had skin cancer." Jerry, bested and fists in the air, exclaims, "skin cancerrrr!" Good times. In fact, here you go:
The other incident took place before a yoga class was to begin. This is a class I've attended only once or twice, several months ago, so I thought I recognized the instructor but wasn't totally sure. When I walked in, there were two women in there including who I thought was the instructor. She had her mat in the middle of the floor and she was standing, talking to the other woman. I wasn't sure where to place my mat because some instructors teach from the short side of the rectangular room and some teach from the long side. This is confusing. Allow me to illustrate:
|Usually you sit on your yoga mat so the short end points to the front of the room, so I wasn't sure where to put my mat. Now, keep in mind that I have explained and laboriously illustrated all this not to defend myself. There is no good reason for what I was thinking. But it's just what i was thinking. The following dialogue took place between me and the lady who was standing, the "instructor":|
Interrupting their conversation, JEN: Let's see, is that you?
LADY: Uh huh, yep.
JEN: Hmm.. not sure where to situate myself...
LADY: Wherever you want to be...?
And then realization occurred. Perhaps I got a better look at the woman and saw it wasn't the same person that I remember.
JEN: Oh! I thought you were the teacher! ha ha. you're like, "yes, please don't take my mat."
LADY: ha ha. "feel free to cozy in close..."
Everyone laughed and was good natured about it and it wasn't a big deal but there is NO REASON why I should have thought what I did and then started asking all the questions. Like, why didn't i see the direction her mat was pointed and assume she was a student? Usually the instructor is already there, but not always. Honestly I think I have a few synapses missing. I don't know. The older I get the more I just say stuff, and that's really saying something when you consider it's me.
Anyway, I'm still upset that I made that stupid drawing but these two interactions entertained me a great deal and even if it means I'm senile, I think I've decided to just enjoy it.
I had a roommate in college who looked forward to getting old so he could give kids shredded cheese directly from his pockets. There's someone looking forward to senility.
I know you hate dentists and all, but I assume you've seen the link between plaque and alzheimer's disease, right?
No. I think I'd rather not.
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