Villains

The villain is always the interesting character of a story.  I guess we like the hero too but there's just something about the villain. Like in Harry Potter, Snape seems like a villain, and in a lot of ways, he is one. He's complicated. Voldemort is the least complicated villain and, though scary, I think there are those who agree that Dolores Umbridge was the worst, most twisted villain of the whole series. Voldemort is bad, but he's just like, straight up evil, want a lot of power, will kill anyone who stands in my way, bad.  Umbridge is bad + fluffy cats and bows and torture quills but pretending it's not. Yipes.

But I'm going to talk about some specific villains today, and they are those who feature in a disneyland commercial I've seen a lot lately. It shows a bunch of Disney villains sitting around a table together, being all chummy, and laughing at their wickedness about taking over Disneyland.  And it's weird, and I think more about it every day.  So I've decided to break it down and measure each one's actual wickedness, or villain-ness. Villaineity?

Here's the picture:

The only people with speaking lines are Cruella DeVille and the Ursula the Sea Witch.  The whole circumstance is amusing. Like, what kind of dungeon party would that be? Who would be the leader of the group? The most outspoken? Who's the lame duck who just sits quietly by, happy to be part of something.  These are the questions I ask myself.  So.  From left to right (and I may add other Disney villains to this):

1. Maleficent.  Aside from Cruella, she has the best name.  It's bad but also beautiful, I suppose like she is.  I'm not doing any background research on these characters because that's boring. And I didn't see the Angelina Jolie film. So from what I know, sheee... has a beef with the king and queen? From what I remember from the old version, she's mad she didn't get invited to the new baby's christening but shows up anyway and then curses the baby, that when she turned sixteen, she would prick her finger on a spindle and die.  That's pretty bad.  But, like, she could have just killed the baby and the whole castle right then and there, yeah?  So she gave her at least sixteen years to live? Still, that's not long, and that's pretty wicked.  On a scale from 1-10, I give her an 8.

2. Frost Man. Jack Frost? I don't even know who that is. I'll have to skip this one.

3. Queen from Snow White.  Ok, it's been a long time. She wishes to be the official (according to her magic mirror) most beautiful woman in the country but that honor consistently goes to Snow White, her step daughter(?)  In a fit of jealous rage, she sends her away? In the woods? Details are fuzzy here. Snow White lives with dwarves and the Queen doesn't know this? Until she uses her magic mirror and she STILL isn't the fairest of them all, that Snow White is, so she must still be alive. Queen disguises herself as an old hag and tempts Snow White to take a bite of poison apple, which doesn't kill her, but puts her under a spell where she will sleep forever, as if to be dead, unless woken/saved by true love's kiss. There are lot of things wrong with this, but if how I remember it is correct, that's not SO bad. She puts her in a deep sleep with a contingency plan. I mean, she must not really mean it if she puts all her bets on the most beautiful girl in the world not getting a boyfriend at some point. This may be superficial of me, but come on. And isn't it that a prince just walks by, sees a pretty/dead-appearing face in a glass box/tomb and kisses it? Do the dwarves take him there? I don't remember, but to me, Queen doesn't seem so bad.  I give her a 4.

4. Captain Hook.  Pirate living in Neverland, hates the lost boys, most of all Peter Pan. Because Peter can fly and Hook can't? Because he's a kid who never grows up and Hook is jealous? He's always going after the lost boys but they don't seem too afraid of him. He fights Peter Pan but something tells me if it had really come to it, Hook wouldn't have had the guts to finish him off, as he claimed to have wanted. (Not really sure if that's true)  He's kind of a pansy.  I give him a 2.

5. Jafar.  Jafar is pretty bad.  The Sultan's aid, he yearns for power and seeks after it using mystical methods like magical lamps in lion-y sand caves in the desert.  He's an interesting bad guy, somewhat multi-dimensional, which I appreciate.  He leaves Aladdin in the sand cave for dead-- pretty bad. He decides, having possession of the lamp and being magicked into a Sultan, takes Jasmine to be his enslaved lover. That's pretty twisted.  But instead of forcing her in to doing things he determines to make her LOVE him, which he tries to wish for but doesn't work, (as we all know, with magic lamps). So that's something. He just wasn't loved as a child. It's pretty sad if you think about it. So I consider him a pretty bad guy, but a sympathetic bad guy as well. Someone with a bit of charisma, who you might root for a little bit.  I give him a 7.

6. Cruella DeVille. She's pretty awful. She kidnaps 99 dalmation puppies to merely to kill them to turn their coats into one big fur coat for herself. GROSS, Cruella.  She could probably get a coat using a mere handful of adult dogs-- so why puppies? Are their coats better? It just sounds super cruel-la to me.  And she's legit terrifying. Remember when she's driving after the puppies? She turns demonic.  I give her a 9.

7. Ursula.  Such a good name. This is one of the best villains, in my opinion.  Talk about personality! You almost like her at times, right? Back in the day I loved her song from the whole film best of all and memorized it word for word. And she's not THAT evil.  So she wants to be Queen of the Sea and for Triton to be no more. So she traps his daughter Ariel into signing this contract saying she'll give Ursula her voice in exchange for legs.  It's all devious of course, as Ursula unfairly attempts to thwart Ariel at every turn, but why the contract in the first place? She could have zapped Ariel into a little worm creature and held her for ransom, right? I mean, maybe not? Maybe i don't know her magic. Maybe it has to be contractual in order to be used.  Though, she did have that collection of other mer-people she'd turned into sea worms. I can't remember the circumstances. Could they not uphold their end of the bargain as well?  Whatever the details are, Ursula has style and pizazz and makes things interesting. I give her a 7 for wickedness but also feel like she might kind of be a cool friend. Hmm. What does this mean?

8. Queen of Hearts.  I don't remember much about her. She was pretty bad, right? Pretty scary? That whole movie is scary. I give her a 9.

9. That's it out of these characters.  I've given it some thought and if I had to choose, right now, the WORST, most evil villain of all of Disneydom, I think I'd have to give it to Scar, brother of Mufasa, king of the plains (or whatever) in Lion King.  1. He's the King's brother and he lets Mufasa DIE getting trampled by a hundred wildebeests.  He's holding onto him with his claws and he lets him go.  THEN, he makes *googling name of son*... Simba believe that it was HIS fault! His own nephew! Ugggh! That's messed up, bruh. (ha ha) Seriously though.  So that Simba will run away and that he, Scar, can take the place of King. I mean, nobody really liked Scar but he kept the depth of his evilness a secret for so long. They just sort of laughed at the quirky grumpy lion brother/uncle. But no. He's bad.  It's simple wickedness and villainry, I will grant. But the family stuff just makes it so bad, especially for a Disney film.

Ahhh I'm happy to have finally gotten out my thoughts that swirl around every time I see this commercial.  Do you have any of your own? Do you agree? Disagree?

Thursdays and Fridays

Last week Thursday wasn't my favorite day for various dumb reasons. But one thing happened that cheered me up a bit. I was sitting in Julian's class waiting for their writers workshop to start where I walk around chatting with the kids and maybe help them spell words. One kid--we'll call him Luke-- sits across from Julian and is obsessed with Jurassic Park and it's just way too cute because he knew I was too, presumably because Julian told him. I imagine him telling this friend and it just warms my little heart. And it's really hard to make Luke stay on task because I, too, just want to talk about velociraptors.  But I can't.  Gotta focus, Luke.  Before we started though, another woman who was also helping out walked up to me and the exchange went like this:

WOMAN (big smile, enthusiastically):  HEY there!  

JEN: Hey!

WOMAN: I'm ______'s mom, are you helping out too??

JEN: Oh! yes. Wait, do i know you?

WOMAN: No!

JEN: Oh! So you're just really friendly! I thought you knew me and i was like, 'heyyy...buddy!'"

(so as to joke with her about pretending to know someone who knows you even though you do not know them.)

WOMAN: (joke does not register. Continues:)  So, whose mom are you? 

JEN, laughing internally: Julian, right there.

WOMAN: Oh, fun! What's your name? My name's _______.

JEN: My name's Jennifer. Good to meet you, ________.

WOMAN: you too!

And she walks away.

And it was awesome because it was pret-ty awkward and, as we all know, moments like those are my bread and butter. But I sat there thinking, ok i know I can come off kind of reserved or... what, unenthused? Not like, NOT excited. Just.. you know, neutral. Chill. Just sitting there waiting for writers workshop.  And she really approached me-BIG smile, as if she knew me. So it's not totally my fault. My awkwardness is not totally my fault, I tell you! Also people here are really, really friendly.

And then the day ended and I woke up the Friday morning dreaming the weirdest dream ever. My alarm went off and against all the odds of the morning, if we hurried, Julian and I would have time to walk to school. It's a-mazing how long it takes that kid to get his shoes on. And that's the only cliche mom thing i'll say in this post.  BUT FOR REAL.

Anyway, the sky was cloudy, the sun just peeking over the mountain giving the morning a pink tint and it's my favorite time of day. The air was warm, the leaves were swirling in the wind blowing alongside us like a buddy and it was a glorious, glorious morning.  I decided to mow the lawn afterward which is always a good choice because something funny, magical, or interesting always happens when I do. The last time I mowed I pushed the open trash can and, because it needs to pivot on the wheels, the lid was too low and yup, i slipped and tripped on it, knocking both of us down, and i got cut grass in the face. It was THUH best.   

This time, since we have a tree planted sort of in the corner quadrant of our corner house, i had made a vow to mow in concentric circles around it, which i did, and which was kind of hard. I asked my neighbor to look out her upstairs window to tell me if it looks cool but she hasn't gotten back to me. I wonder if she thinks I'm joking. But anyway, while mowing, I saw a big green bug on the side of the house. What is that? i thought. And after a few more passes I realized it was a katydid!  Fun! Yay! Leaf bugs! I never see them. Thinking they are special and rare, I ran in the house and grabbed a jar with which to capture it and show to Julian later.  I easily knocked the katydid into my jar and, feeling pleased, rounded the corner of the house when I spotted a tall pretty rose on the bush and there, sitting atop, staring me down, was another katydid. ! I gave a yelp, highly unsettled.  I felt a little uneasy because, having just caught one, I thought it was weird that another would immediately appear, perhaps to guilt me? I was also a little scared that if I turned around I'd see dozens of katydids all sitting there, quietly looking at me.  It's Halloween-time and I get all hitchcocky, you know.

I considered capturing the second bug as well and giving them as weird gifts to friends or neighbors but decided against it. Instead I took its pic, and here it is:

And thus concluded a successful Thursday to Friday transition.

Halloween Julianism

Earlier this month it was my niece's tenth birthday. We wanted to get her something fun but cool, and maybe a little bit more grown up, so Sean and Julian went to a home goods store and selected a pillow made out of brown'ish faux fur. Pretty cool. I'd take that present.

This cousin of Julian has been over a few times and expressed a love and desire to snuggle our cat but isn't allowed to have one of her own. So Julian and Sean rehearsed sort of the gift explanation (giftsplanation--probably unnecessary but I feel like this happens a lot. You know how you need to explain gifts) when she opened it.  It would go as follows:

"Since you like snuggling a cat but aren't allowed to have one of your own, we got you a furry pillow to snuggle."  

Or something like it.  Awww how friendly, how thoughtful, right?

So when she opened the present and Sean prompted Julian to say his line, instead out came THIS:

"WE SKINNED OUR CAT."

And of course Sean and I were like:  

We were in somewhat mixed company but as everyone laughed at what the WEIRDEST CHILD ON THE PLANET said, we, as parents, finished off with a sort of resigned disgust, a somewhat pathetic "soo...happy birthdaaaay..." 

Take Me In, Take Me Back

Today I woke up to my alarm that, if set just right, is loud enough to be heard through ear plugs but not so loud that it jars everyone awake. It's a fine balance and this morning I was somewhat dragged awake but only for a second. I brushed my teeth and woke up the boy, who likes to lay still, eyes closed, and then say in a totally awake voice, "I'm awake" which is equal parts funny and creepy.  I then kiss on him for a good 30 seconds, before shouting at him 20 times to get going, as is routine.

It was frosty today so I had to scrape the car. We don't park in the garage because Sean has a big table/counter top thing he's been working on for a solid year but that we're in no rush for because frankly, having a garage feels like an extra room. We have the driveway for cars, guaranteed parking, and though I did have to scrape the car windows, I'll never have to dig it out of snow. I'll never have to walk half a mile with my haul.  Our experiences bring a certain kind of luxury and I think about this often.

After breakfast I hugged him extra hard and dropped him off at school which, turns out, he loves, in spite of himself.  I've been thinking a lot about The Old Life lately, as I do from time to time, and time again. I always feel connected, not just because I left a part of my heart there and there it will ever be, but because people I love still live there and tie me to it. I catch glimpses now and then and feel the ever-present tug, sometimes stronger than othertimes. My friend just got married on the boardwalk there and had a friend of hers play and sing the song I and You and Love which really should be called, Brooklyn, Take Me In. I've been hesitant to attach myself to this song because I know so many others who have and I thought, well sure it's a given, but do I really want to sign my name to a club set up as a revolving door for love and pain? I, one of millions, billions or trillions over time. Would it feel generic and cliche and wholly unoriginal? The answer is yes, and also, yes.

I went to a chocolate tasting party the other night with some gal pals. It was awesome and I learned a thing or two about how to properly taste chocolate, something every human should know. The woman instructing us was giving us background on the chocolates we sampled and she mentioned that companies of several of the bars we tasted were based in Brooklyn, and, listening intently, I did nothing.  Often when someone mentions a place we used to live, we react instantly, having staked a bit of claim on it, and make a declaration of some kind to let people know. Though I could do this, and would do this, often I do not because I think I forget. I forget that Brooklyn was ever mine in the dreamlike sense that i can't really believe i lived there for eleven years and question the fact daily. Also because I know I can't really claim it and have resigned myself, that deep down, with most people I interact with, the very real love that i have just does not, will not translate. And I shift gears in my head a bit and I view the place just like someone who had never lived there might, who maybe only knew of it from TV shows and movies, a vague distant-sounding place that could be interesting, sounds exciting, who knows?

But the piece of my heart still beats, probably stuck in the weeds in some forgotten corner of Prospect Park, or hovering near the rocky shoreline of the pier by the bridge. And on days such as this, I drive back from the school and put on the song, and as it plays, so do the strings of my heart, and I cry the very best kind.