Monday, December 20, 2010

Handwriting Analysis

When I was in college I took a public speaking class.  It was comical and lame, but sometimes fun and entertaining.  One of our speeches had to be informative, and since I had such a vast pool of knowledge to choose from, obviously I decided to speak on handwriting analysis.  Why? I seriously don't even know.  Did I know anything about it? No I did not. I guess I thought it was interesting, to think that the way we write reflects qualities about ourselves.  But this is sounding too much like astrology. At the time it was sort of meant to be a joke (like all of my speeches), but I guess i still find it kind of interesting, I confess. Wait, you already know this about me.  Why am I behaving so ashamedly? 

At the time I was a very loopy writer. As in, i wrote big loops (and I was kind of loopy).  I'm still sort of that way but I've toned it down a bit probably. I can't even remember what being a loopy writer means. This post is sooo interesting.

What I'm really trying to say is, Sean came home several nights ago and dropped this note in my lap.  Astounded, I gaped at it. Who.. on this green earth.. would HAVE such handwriting? WHO? Surely this woman isn't human.  It seriously has to be an alien, that's the only explanation.  Behold:


What is that??? At first I thought he'd presented me with a rubbing of some ancient hieroglyphics but then I slowly, ever so slowly, recognized it as English.

Let's analyze:

are the
weed samples*
Thank you,
Patty Lee

*[EDIT-- wood samples, wood! ha ha. Those o's are RIDICULOUS.] 

It's like some weird poem that i'm forced to explicate in 10th grade honors English.  What the hey, Patty Lee? What the hey.

 The swooping letters are completely out of control.  I mean, I'm all for a flourish but you have to maintain some kind of control because you know chances are good you're going to continue writing the next line down and lest you want the lines to be 5 inches apart, you don't want lines getting in the way of other letters making it hot mess of a note. Right?  Every 3rd grader learns this lesson and perhaps might be a lesson i still have to remind myself, but it's like this lady has not only thrown caution to the wind, she served it on a platter and said, "eat up, mister."   (the wind is male, didn't you know.) 
It makes the flow of the words totally choppy which makes sense when the amount of words per line doesn't exceed two.   I mean, the first word is on its own line. What if I typed this post like that?

Check out the "a" in "are."  Out of control.  The only explanation I can give is she had multiple mini-seizures at random moments when writing this note and instead of taking the time to recuperate or make sure she really was alright, just barreled on through. 

And, the letters are so far apart.    It looks like a cursive font on Word Perfect where the letters don't connect but are still trying to be cursive.

And speaking of loopiness, check out the P and L and the Y.  Good heavens, lady.  Just what are you trying to say here? I wish i could remember my informative speech I gave. 

And then the date? 2011? She's crazy. She's just plain crazy.  I can't tell if I'm triple-irked by this letter, in awe and impressed by or jealous of the gall of this woman, or what.   I'm almost speechless.   Man, I wish I could remember my speech.  Someone look it up and do a proper analysis of this because egads.  E. Gads.

So I guess by "analyze" i mean "criticize."  Sorry Patty.  Seriously though. It's a combo of disbelief and being totally impressed.   I think I need to be more courageous with my handwriting--have it be completely nonsensical.  Keep them wondering.    I think I'm going to write more on this subject in the future... definitely so.  Perhaps I will even, say, give a speech on it.  Oh wait.


linsey said...

#1 I kind of love this woman's crazy loops and her weed samples.

#2 In college we once had a handwriting analyst come and dissect every member of our typography class's handwriting, and it was downright EERIE how accurate and specific her readings were. I felt violated/thrilled by it.

Find your speech and deliver it to me.

Joel said...

When I had to give a speech in high school, I talked about how old people shouldn't be allowed to wear shorts in public.

Ashley said...

I laughed at this. And, even though it's not about her handwriting, let's talk about why she's giving someone "weed samples." Red flag.

Andrew said...

Oddly, I studied handwriting analysis recently as well. Let's see what I can remember:

Large letters indicate that Ms. Patty Lee does not pay much attention to details.

Emphasized size of her "middle" letters (those that neither dip below the foot line nor rise above the belt line) indicate that her mind is predominantly occupied by day-to-day concerns.

Letter spacing and word spacing indicate that Patty Lee is an extrovert.

Short stem on the "p" in "samples" show that she is not accustomed to strenuous manual labor.

Large stem on the "y" in "you" point to an active sex drive.

I'm going to go out on a limb and make up the next one:

Ridiculous overall handwriting style indicate that she studied under Professor G. Lockhart while at Hogwarts?

)en said...

Ah ha! Andrew comes to the rescue.

Love this analysis, thank you thank you. especially the last one. Spot on.

lindsey v said...

Haha! That's funny. Who spells wood with 'e's. No, but really, who writes their 'o's with one loop. No one.

Jill said...

I checked an analysis book out of the library and it said that people with really loopy handwriting had homicidal tendencies. Then there was a picture of the writing of this guy who killed his entire family. It looked kind of like mine...

)en said...

ha ha! dang.

well, i'm pretty sure this lady has homicidal tendencies. how could she not??

Handwriting analysis said...

Each time you commit words to paper in your own inimitable style, you declare your character and personality traits, your talents and abilities, even your current mood.