I have a cold and I've had it since abouuut June of '97. That's what it feels like, anyway. Ok, i think it started Friday, April 4th. I was telling Sean last night, this has been the worst, most voluminous cold of my LIFE. I have been blowing my nose for 12 days straight. I'm not kidding. I have taken so much cold medicine, I have built up a tolerance for it and probably now have to take one box at a time for it to have any effect. I blow my nose ALL...DAY...LONG. Constantly. This is not an exaggeration. I've gone through at least 2-3 boxes of tissues and countless rolls of toilet paper.
And it just...keeps...coming.
Why, mucus membranes? why? Did I fall and hit my head and was the mucus-production center of my brain somehow damaged so now you just keep making more and more? I am astounded at the amount I can produce.
I blow and blow and blow. And i've been sooo congested. For one solid week I had to sleep while breathing out of my mouth which is the WORST. You wake up with crappy dry mouth caked with foulness. I probably swallowed a hundred bugs. I'm sorry if this disgusts you but THIS IS MY REALITY. Finally I grabbed another pillow and i now sleep elevated which usually gives me one good nostril all night--ohh blessed nostril. I will never take breathing out of my nose for granted again.
I'm so tired of blowing my nose. I'm tired of filling my pockets with tissues whenever I got out, and using and re-using them to smithereens so i'm left with crumpled shreds of tissue dust and it looks like i've been using the same one for 200 years. I blow so much that I've gotten dangerously close to having a brain aneurysm, I know it. You know how when you blow your nose a lot you keep popping your ears and you're like, "Aaaah!" stopping abruptly so you don't burst an ear drum. So you wait a minute and then proceed blowing with caution, praying nothing bad happens. Sometimes the blows are very productive. Sometimes I'm so congested that they are futile and a waste of a good tissue. All i know is that i've blown so much, I have now lost the will to blow anymore. I'm exhausted, and I usually end up doing this:
I want you to know that I in no way staged this photo. Well, i had to go get the camera and take the shot but I have been typing this post with that bit of TP stuck up my nose the entire time. This is my life. I will no longer go by Jen, but now instead my name is Jed. And I will say to people, "Hi, I'm Jed. I have hyperactive mucus membranes that will NEVER....STOP." All while having TP stuffed up my nose. People will be creeped out and run away and i won't have any friends and that will be ok because i'd just snot all over them anyway. Boo.