JEN: My argument is for: real.
SEAN: And mine is for fake.
JEN: I absolutely must have a real Christmas tree. If i had a fake one, I might not believe it's Christmas, and I might be confused as to whether I'm in my living room or a department store. According to my conviction on the matter, I would even say it would be a tragedy to have a fake one. In fact, picturing it has upset me too greatly for me to continue right now, so Sean, you begin. This is my opening statement.
SEAN: There are indeed two sides to every truly important debate, and this is no exception. To begin, a question: Why ought a celebration of life, of Birth, of beginning, renewal, and the Biblical tale of death conquered, begin with the systematic massacre of innocent evergreens? Have we assumed the role of Herod instead of the shepherds and wisemen?
JEN: You speak of celebrating life, Sean, but tell me: what's so alive about a synthetic tree? To me, the real trees get to fulfill their Christmas destiny. They are selected, chosen, and have the opportunity to participate in the celebration and festivities. They bring such joy to me, their intoxicating scent equating the whole feeling of Christmas. A fake tree sits there, not dead (for to be dead, a thing must have once been alive) but just false. Its own name implies as such. Fake. An unfeeling replica, standing as a bittery mockery and never attaining the life a real tree has.
SEAN: I am so glad that you mentioned the "signature" pine scent, which I too have enjoyed (in the forest where it belongs). What of the unspoken thousands who are annually oppressed by the stench of rotting holiday pines? Yes the crowds of sufferers from PINESAP ALLERGIES and dreaded Hypersensitive Olfactory Syndrome. What of them? Why must those with HOS be kept from having a Merry Christmas?
JEN: I feel for them, I do. Just as I feel for those who are unable to enjoy the other wonderful things of life. Which is why it is all the more reason (and more important) to have a real tree (if you don't suffer from "HOS") Do it for them. Appreciate what others cannot, and be humbled that you get to.
SEAN: A noble thought. I appreciate that you have brought up the moral imperative of the greater good. may I remind you, as Mr. Gore so often has, that every living tree is important. Needed for the carbon it removes from the atmosphere and oxygen it liberates. Is a sentimental holiday odor really worth the damage you're doing to the planet's ability to postpone the impending melting of our icecaps? And the threat that a beloved winter wonderland will soon only be a memory?
JEN: Are you really using Al Gore as the basis for your argument? No, I refuse to go political and to be truthful, I've not informed myself on current events as well as I should. But if you want to speak environmentally, you know they chop up Christmas trees and do good things with them. Turn it into mulch, make the world pretty, etc. And, I read somewhere that fake trees are actually worse for the environment, made of synthetic materials and other earth-unfriendly substances. Plus, having a fake one is just so boring. They're too "perfect," so utterly personality-less. I know this has nothing to do with the environment. I just wanted to move on. But, why have an earth if you're just going to be boring with it?
SEAN: Hey, if ritualistic killing brings meaning to your life, so be it. As for me, the sterility of polyester, polycarbonate and polyvinyl might be just the thing to salve my soul.
JEN: You'll never be able to truly heal the wound, the void in your heart that only a real Christmas tree can fill, Sean.
And that's where we got too tired to finish. So? Who won? What is your opinion? Let the debate continue!